


What’s a Family

by baobeiminnie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, M/M, Smut, Texting, also yes minhyuk is a top here fight me, but actual plot will soon follow, but not like rip your heart out, changkyun is Distinguished Gay™️, god they are all idiots angsty, he also stays trifling in this, idk when but i wouldn’t put it behind me to add smut, it starts out a hot mess of group chats, kihyun jooheon nd hyungwon are disaster gays, maybe angst?, more like, shownu wonho nd minhyuk are functional gays, u kno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-06-05 13:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15171293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baobeiminnie/pseuds/baobeiminnie
Summary: College/Messaging AU where:Kihyun, Jooheon, and Hyungwon are roommates that have developed their own little family among themselves. It’s just a mother with her two idiot children until Jooheon comes home with a new friend who just so happens to have an adopted family of his own.Specifically three outrageously attractive men known throughout the campus.





	1. fukc heCk

**chat: dem boyz**

 

 **winwon** : aight so listen

 **winwon** : so there i was

 **hornlee** : bbq sauce on my titties

 **winwon** : l i s t e n

 **winwon** : so there i was

 **kikiham** : bbq sauce on my titties

 **hornlee** : old joke but also lmao

 **kikiham** : ur my least fave

 **winwon** : i’M TRYING TO TELL U

 **winwon** : ABT HOT GUY #2

 **kikiham** : since when do u have the guts to talk to hot guy #2

 **hornlee** : since when do u have guts at all, toothpick?

 **winwon** : sorry i couldn’t hear u over the pentagram i’m drawing n ur bedroom jooheon

 **winwon** : anyways

 **hornlee** : u wouldn’t

 **winwon** : :)

 **hornlee** : ಥ_ಥ

 **winwon** : as i was fukn saying

 **kikiham** : yes pls tell me abt hot guy #2

 **winwon** : okay so there i was

 **winwon** : eating chicken nuggets & minding my own business

 **winwon** : as usual

 **kikiham** : sounds fake but okay

 **winwon** : then i see hot guy 1 2 & 3

 **winwon** : they all sat across the field that i was in

 **winwon** : looking sexy as hell u can imagine

 **hornlee** : did u take any pics

 **winwon** : i was eating nuggets u can’t expect me to disrespect them to take stalker pics

 **hornlee** : disappointed but not surprised

 **kikiham** : how fukn dare u not sneak pics

 **winwon** : LISTEN I KNOW AND I REGERT BC GUESS WHAT

 **hornlee** : regert

 **winwon** : Hot Guy™️ #2 stOOD UP AND JUST FUKIN STRIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT

 **winwon** : LIKE RIFJT IN FRINT OF MY NUFGETS

 **kikiham** : fuck heCk

 **hornlee** : A REAL HO WOULDVE GOTTEN SOMFUKN PICS THNK U V MUCH

 **kikiham** : ^ HINESTLY?????

 **winwon** : NO BUT LIFTEN

 **winwon** : he took off his shirt & was fanning himself and im like hOT DANM

 **kikiham** : big mood

 **winwon** : AND HE HEARD ME????

 **hornlee** : pFFFT FR?

 **winwon** : yRS THIS FUCKDR LOOKD OVER TO MW ANF IS LAUGHOGN???

 **hornlee** : WHAT DID U DO

 **winwon** : what any sensible person would do

 **winwon** : i shoved the rest of the nuggets in my mouth and made a run for it

 **hornlee** : fucjmvk hyunGWON

 **kikiham** : rip in piece hyungwon

 **winwon** : i still haven’t gotten to the worst part

 **kikiham** : HIW can it get w o r se?

 **winwon** : so there i was

 **winwon** : running for my life

 **winwon** : whne my fuckinf legs decide to do the cha cha slide

 **winwon** : & it startles me & i start choking on my nuggets

 **hornlee** : screenshots for scientific purposes

 **winwon** : so i start failing

 **winwon** : and ive already accepted death u kno so im fine

 **winwon** : when 2 bigass arms r around my waist

 **kikiham** : im going to FUCKNIG scream

 **winwon** : nd I look up nd it’s hot guy #2

 **hornlee** : OHMUFIKCING GOD

 **kikiham** : FUKC MW

 **hornlee** : HOW ARE U STILL ALOVE

 **winwon** : actually im not

 **winwon** : im messaging u from beyond the fucking grave

 **hornlee** : i can hear ki

 **hornlee** : hes still screaming

 **winwon** : after swallowing the nuggets i was able to gracefully stumble away after clearly conveying my thanks to him

 **hornlee** : u cried?

 **winwon** : like a fukin bitch im


	2. molasses short cakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new players enter the ring  
> plus some developement
> 
> ALSO IM LATE BUT  
> i meant to put this in the first chapter but i’ll Put it here  
> raMAN: wonho  
> hyukleberry: minhyuk  
> barebear: shownu  
> limbo: im  
> hornlee: jooheon  
> kikiham: kihyun  
> winwon: hyungwon

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 

 **raMAN** : my children

 

 **raMAN** : my babies

 

 **raMAN** : my sweet sweet molasses short cakes

 

 **barebear** : Wonho please

 

 **raMAN** : help an old man out pls

 

 **hyukleberry** : wats up ho

 

 **raMAN** : well you see

 

 **raMAN** : i seem to have misplaced a pack of noodles that i had been looking foreword to eating

 

 **raMAN** : last place i put it was in the pantry but today it seems to not be there and i was simply hoping you angels could help me locate it ^.^

 

 **hyukleberry** : last place i saw it was in hyunwoo’s bowl

 

 **raMAN** : i

 

 **barebear** : Oh that was yours?

 

 **hyukleberry** : Top 10 Anime Betrayals

 

 **raMAN** : betrayed

 

 **raMAN** : in my own house

 

 **barebear** : We live in a dorm?

 

 **raMAN** : by my own brother

 

 **barebear** : Literally aren’t related??

 

 **limbo** : what’d i miss

 

 **hyukleberry** : CHNAGKYUN MY SON

 

 **raMAN** : o sorry hyung are you wanting me to return this?

 

 **barebear** : Return?

 

 **hyukleberry** : my dear child

 

 **hyukleberry** : hyunwoo ate wonho’s ramen

 

 **raMAN** : the knife you left in my back

 

 **raMAN** : will you be wanting it back???? Or?????

 

 **limbo** : udkxnfjs

 

 **limbo** : hyUN G

 

 **limbo** : i’ll buy u some more noodles

 

 **raMAN** : CHANGKYUN ♡

 

 **raMAN** : an angel has descended upon me

 

 **barebear** : I’m sorry, Wonho.

 

 **hyukleberry** : punctuation ew

 

 **barebear** : But if it makes you feel any better

 

 **barebear** : The noodles were delicious

 

 **hyukleberry** : FUCJNKGMV HYUNWOO

 

 **raMAN** : you traitorous MAN HOLE

 

 **limbo** : hyun

 

 **limbo** : hyung

 

 **limbo** : surely u can think of better insults

 

 **raMAN** : i’m too distraught right now

 

 **barebear** : I promise to never eat your ramen again, Wonho.

 

 **hyukleberry** : ten bucks says he does it again within the next week

 

 **barebear** : You have so much faith in me I’m honored.

 

 **limbo** : aight aight so guys i was wondering

 

 **raMAN** : YES ANGEL??

 

 **hyukleberry** : WE ARE LISTEJNG

 

 **barebear** : Hi Changkyun

 

 **limbo** : hi hyung

 

 **limbo** : so i was wondering if i could bring a friend by tomorrow

 

 **hyukleberry** : my son has a friend???

 

 **hyukleberry** : who be this friend???

 

 **limbo** : his name is lee jooheon

 

 **limbo** : we met in the library when i helped him w some books and we talked forever and he’s rlly nice i asked if he wanted to hang out and he was like sure and now idk what to do w him

 

 **raMAN** : wouldn’t mind a lil bump n grind friend or wouldn’t touch you w a ten foot pole friend

 

 **limbo** : NDJFN A NORMAL FRIEND HYUGG

 

 **barebear** : Lee Jooheon, that name sounds familiar.

 

 **hyukleberry** : isn’t he the one that’s always hanging out w that tall guy in my art and design class

 

 **limbo** : depends

 

 **hyukleberry** : dimples?

 

 **limbo** : dAS HIM

 

 **hyukleberry** : he’s p cute

 

 **hyukleberry** : i approve

 

 **limbo** : so like could i bring him by?

 

 **raMAN** : ofc my sweet!!

 

 **barebear** : We’ll stay out of your hair.

 

 **hyukleberry** : after making sure he’s good company ofc

 

 **limbo** : i’m sure he is

 

 **limbo** : he also told me about the other two he lives w and even they seem nice

 

 

 

**chat: dem boyz**

 

 

 **kikiham** : tf u mean u have a friend

 

 **winwon** : since when

 

 **kikiham** : stop lying u incompetent dented thumbtack

 

 **hornlee** : guys i sw E A R

 

 **winwon** : hes lying to get out of helping w dinner

 

 **hornlee** : GIYS

 

 **hornlee** : I RLLY DO HAVE A NEW FRIEND

 

 **hornlee** : HE LIM CHANGKYUN I MET HIM IN THE LIBRARARY

 

 **kikiham** : u kno what a library is?

 

 **winwon** : two things

 

 **winwon** : burn @ heon

 

 **winwon** : nd ironic librabry is misspelled nice one heon

 

 **kikiham** : lord give me the fuckign strength

 

 **hornlee** : i promise u i rlly met a new friend today

 

 **hornlee** : tomorrow we’re gonna hang out

 

 **kikiham** : to just humor u for a minute

 

 **winwon** : googles what a lim chnagkum is

 

 **kikiham** : what r you nd this friend doing tomorrow

 

 **hornlee** : i think hang out in his other friends dorm??

 

 **kikiham** : y not his dorm?

 

 **hornlee** : he lives like ten min off campus so he was like how abt no

 

 **winwon** : i can’t find him on the student list

 

 **hornlee** : fuknckgnd r u rLLY LOOKING HIM UP

**kikiham** : u mean u expect us to just send u off w some rando u literally just met w/o some info on him?

 

 **winwon** : what kind of parents do u take us for

 

 **hornlee** : guys he’s rlly nice nd chill don’t worry

 

 **kikiham** : but like

 

 **kikiham** : what if he’s just some guy who wandered on campus to seduce some piece of moldy microwaved soap bar of a college boy nd murder him

 

 **hornlee** : kihyun

 

 **winwon** : but i rlly can’t find any profile on him???

 

 **hornlee** : HE JUST ENROLLED U GUYS

 

 **hornlee** : LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH AGO

 

 **kikiham** : idk sounds fake

 

 **winwon** : i bet this guy is some kind of elaborate serial killer

 

 **winwon** : i feel it n my whole right tiddie

 

 **kikiham** : i don’t understand even a lil but i argee

 

 **hornlee** : but like can I hang out w him tmrw?

 

 **winwon** : yah shure

 

 **kikiham** : but if he talks abt how much he loves the feel of cold metal against flesh then haul ass to the nearest clock nd chuck it @ his fukn head

 

 **winwon** : y

 

 **hornlee** : why a clock

 

 **kikiham** : bc u can use the excuse that u wanted him to see the time

 

 **hornlee** : thAT explains me throwing it at his head?

 

 **kikiham** : u wanted him to see it up close

 

 **hornlee** : that explains me throwing it????

 

 **kikiham** : it was an urgent matter

 

 **winwon** : clock block him heonie

 

 **hornlee** : i’m putting myself up for adoption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMMMMMMMMMM  
> so jooheon is friends w changkyun who’s friends w wonho minhyuk nd shownu who are the hot guys jooheon kihyun nd hyungwon thirst after  
> this will end well right
> 
> also just to be clear  
> kihyun hyungwon nd jooheon don’t know wonho shownu nd minhyuk’s names so they refer to them as hot guy 1 2 3
> 
> wonho shownu nd minhyuk are old men who have been there for a while so they kinda know everyone’s name but they’ve never properly met dem boys so they don’t rlly kno them


	3. you’re terrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kihyun's back in the closet

**private chat: juice, rambo**

 

 

 **juice** : whispers its free real estate

 **rambo** : is there a such thing as fake estate

 **juice** : yea

 **juice** : ur mom

 **rambo:** no u

 **juice** : stop being homophobic

 **rambo** : njcdsav are you still coming over

 **juice** : yell heah are we hanging out w ur parents

 **rambo** : i think so

 **rambo** : hol up lemme text them

 **juice** : i'll b waiting for u

 **rambo** : gay

 

 

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 **raMAN** : wait no guys

 **raMAN** : isn't iowa part of eastern china

 **limbo** : hi hyung

 **raMAN** : hello!!

 **limbo** : are u guys at the dorm?

 **raMAN** : unfortunately not

 **raMAN** : hyunwoo had a sudden dress rehersal for his play

 **raMAN** : minhyuk had to go put up the posters his class made for the play

 **raMAN** : nd i'm supposed to help him

 **limbo** : aw :(

 **limbo** : i was hoping u guys could meet him

 **raMAN** : FNDJKLA US TOO

 **raMAN** : but u can still use the dorm

 **limbo** : thank hyung

 **raMAN** : ur welcome dear!!

 **raMAN** : u got ur spare key?

 **limbo** : yep!

 **raMAN** : okay ^^ see you after wards!

 

**private chat: juice, rambo**

 

 **rambo:** looks like we got the dorm to ourselves

 **juice** : cool, i'll bring the drugs

 **rambo** : as if i don't already got it

 **rambo** : how cute

 **juice:** CHANGKYUN

 

**chat: dem boyz**

 

**hornlee changed their name to jooice**

**winwon** : but y

 **jooice** : imma b in a dorm alone w a drug dealer

**kikiham changed their name to pinkster**

**winwon** : Y

 **pinkster** : see if hes having a clearance sale

 **jooice:** ndskjv kihyun pls

 **jooice** : i thot u would cry

 **winwon** : y r u alone w him

 **jooice** : his hyungs couldn't join us today bc they got plans :(

 **pinkster** : oh don't u have all th e troubles

 **winwon** : lmao get ur salty ass out my chat

 **pinkster** : listen up here u soggy piece of useless cardboard

 **jooice** : wat happened

 **pinkster** : hyungwons class made posters for this random ass play nd today theyre hanging them up

 **pinkster** : nd hes making me help

 **winwon** : its a lot of posters they told us to bring at least one (1) helper

 **pinkster** : and u pick me?

 **jooice** : hows he supposed to reach to hang them up?

 **winwon** : OMG UR RIGHT

 **pinkster** : i will eviscerate u both nd feed ur insides to my fish

 **winwon** : if you can reach me

 **pinkster** : a bitch will bust a kneecap

 **jooice** : oml u guys have fun

 **winwon** : itll b lots of fun

 **pinkster** : yea su r e wat can go wrong

 

 

**private chat: juice, rambo**

 

 **juice** : r u the fool w the the bleached hair i see dancing

 **rambo** : FUCKNC I DIDNT THINK ANYONE WAS ARUOSD

 **juice** : was that exo's growl?

 **rambo** : shut the up fuck and get over here

 **rambo** : i bought snacks

 

 

**private chat: magic, soekseok**

 

 **soekseok** : i'm supposed to b helping

 **soekseok** : not doing the work myself

 **magic** : r u struggling to do it yourself?

 **soekseok** : i mena not rlly

 **magic** : then wats the problem

 **soekseok** : LEAVE THE POOR KID ALONE N HELP M E

 **magic** : :D

 

**chat: dem boyz**

 

 **pinkster** : ABORT MISSION

 **pinkster** : ABROT ABTOR

 **pinkster** : PLS HELP

 **pinkster** : HUYHN WON U FUCIGNK CHARRED LUMP O SLIME

 **pinkster** : SOPT LAUGHJIND ND HE L P

 **winwon** : wym

 **winwon** : this isn't wat uve been dreaming abt

 **pinkster** : FUCK MW

 **pinkster** : Y IS HE FLOLLOWIGN ME

 **winwon** : i think ur skirt is up n the back

 **pinkster** : o

 **pinkster** : i

 **pinkster** : dID U RLLY JUST

 **jooice** : chnagkyun told me to pls check my phone bc he thinks someone must be dying

 **jooice** : whats happening

 **pinkster** : FUCKIG THUS IM N THE CLOSRT

 **jooice** : again?

 **pinkster** : FUCK OFF U FLAWES EDUCATION SYSTEMD

 **winwon** : yA bOY fell OFF THE LADDER

 **pinkster** : Y DID U BRNG ME

 **jooice** : wait what abt ki in a skirt?

 **winwon** : O NO

 **winwon** : Y IS HE HERE

 **pinkster** : FUCK HE FOUND MJFIODGNJVKBJRF33=

 **pinkster** : if0eo-w]4gi0o3r\pl

 **winwon** : LOL KIHYUN

 **jooice** : wat th fuck kinda link is that?

 **pinkster** : owo whats this?

 **pinkster** : hello boys this is Mi

 **pinkster** : ndeiobBUIDPBWUORF9R\35[;

 **pinkster** : FUDK MW HE TOOKD MY PONE

 **winwon** : KI STOP RUNNIGN

 **pinkster** : SRRHY FAM IM OUT

 **jooice** : SOMEONE PLS WATS HAPPENING

 

 

**private chat: magic, soekseok**

 

 **soekseok** : minhyuk ur evil

 **magic** : i cant help it

 **soekseok** : let him live

 **magic** : hes too cute when hes struggling

 

 

**chat: dem boyz**

 

 **pinkster:** O HYUJNGEON GOT QUIET

 **winwon** : LISTEN

 **pinkster** : good thing that ladder broke eh?

 **winwon** : good thing that skirts short eh?

 **pinkster** : FUK OFF M8

 **jooice** : googles how to report a chat

 **pinkster** : HYUNGWON SAVE ME

 **pinkster** : HIS HAND SITIPEJDFN HIKM

 **winwon** : LMAO DONT LIKE GETTIGN FELT UP BY #3?

 **pinkster** : SHUT THUE FUKC UP HES LOOKJING OJVR MY SHOULDEER

 **winwon** : o sorry ki ill send more apporpreaite texts

 **winwon** : IS IT TRUE U WANNA BEND DAT BODY LIKE A GUMNAST FOR HIM?

 **jooice** : nxjncxj w Ha T??

 **pinkster** : FUKLCNIKGFOBAJ HE SAW JM

 **jooice** : pls

 **jooice** : im so confused

 **winwon** : fjda i'll tell u everything when we get home :)

 **winwon** : ki is sobbing

 

 

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 

 **barebear** : You both are terrible.

 **raMAN** : :)

 **hyukleberry** : :)

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which we all are jooheon  
> but no worries the next chapter will have actual fic plot nd not just texting :D


	4. The Story™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kihyun’s a Disaster Gay

**chat: dem boyz**

 

 

 

 **jooice** : can i invite changkyun over for dinner?

 

 **winwon** : ya shure

 

 **pinkster** : ask him what he wants from that chicken place across campus

 

 **jooice** : ofc

 

 **jooice** : imma add him

 

**jooice changed chat name to pure christain household**

 

**jooice added rambo**

**rambo changed their name to yams**

 

 **yams** : whats happenin bby

 

 **jooice** : meet my fam

 

 **jooice** : fam dis changkyun

 

 **winwon** : full name birthday and social security pls

 

 **pinkster** : that chat name is a lie and u know it

 

 **jooice** : @ winwon is hyungwon

 

 **yams** : 7ft frogman ??

 

 **winwon** : wat

 

 **jooice** : nd @ pinkster is kihyun

 

 **yams** : 2ft hamster yea

 

 **pinkster** : me excuse?

 

 **yams** : it’s the only way jooheon described u 2 to me

 

 **winwon** : heon

 

 **winwon** : u kno what

 

 **jooice** : listen okay

 

 **jooice** : kill me l8er but pls

 

 **jooice** : tell me what in the seven circles of hell happened today

 

 **winwon** : ah yes

 

 **pinkster** : no

 

 **winwon** : the adventures of two hours ago

 

 **yams** : what happened?

 

 **jooice** : they are the ones who blew up my phone nd idk Y

 

 **yams** : ooo sum tea

 

 **yams** : do tell

 

 **pinkster** : who is this

 

 **jooice** : pls

 

 **pinkster** : i’m ordering food

 

 **winwon** : FINE

 

 **winwon** : i’ll tell

 

 **jooice** : thank fuck

 

 **winwon** : settle down children

 

 **winwon** : and i’ll tell u the tale

 

 **winwon** : of the tribulation of kihyun

 

 **pinkster** : fukc all the way off u useless tampon

 

 **yams** : i’m ready

 

 **winwon** : it all begin when me n ki were walking down the hallway having a v important discussion

 

 

* * *

 

“You have lost your damn mind if you think Bubbles is the best Powerpuff girl.”

 

Hyungwon scoffed with a roll of his eyes, shaking his head disdainfully at his shorter hyung.

 

“Pardon me, but Bubbles is both cute and kicks ass. She’s a lot like me.” The taller said with a swift flip of his hair.

 

“You mean an annoying pain in the ass? Besides, Buttercup is clearly superior.” Kihyun retorted, narrowing his eyes.

 

“See you say that but whose ego is always in the way of getting their job done?” Hyungwon responded with a sudden grin. “Oh wait I see why you like her now, you two are very similar.”

 

“You listen here I will strangle you with your own dick.”

 

“If you can reach it.”

 

Kihyun opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it when they arrived at the auditorium. Students in varying costumes flailed about the stage, scripts in their hands and anxiety on their face. The instructor spotted the two and hurried over with a kind smile.

 

“Good morning boys.” She greeted. Hyungwon and Kihyun bowed respectfully, greeting her back and introducing themselves.

 

“We’ve come to hang up the posters.”

 

“Ah!” She exclaimed excitedly, “Fantastic. I really wanted two hung on either side of the stage. Unfortunately another pair of boys came and are using the only ladder to hang some up outside of the auditorium but I have a step stool in the closet if that will work?”

 

Hyungwon agreed with a shrug, turning to Kihyun who had noticed the instructor eyeing him very intently as she spoke. The instructor thanked them before returning to her duties, the two boys slowly making their way to the stage.

 

“Why was she staring at me?” Kihyun inquired, following Hyungwon.

 

“Maybe you’re ugly.”

 

Hyungwon dodged just in time to miss Kihyun’s fist.

 

 

-

 

 

“Tape me, captain.”

 

“Kinky”

 

Hoseok rolled his eyes as he looked down at Minhyuk who wore a shit eating grin. The younger chuckled as he began to walk into the auditorium, calling out over his shoulder,

 

“Hang on, I’ll get some more.”

 

Making his way to the closet, Minhyuk watched the frantic bustling of the drama students. According to Hyunwoo, they weren’t supposed to do dress rehearsal until the end of the week but due to unforeseen occurrences which roughly translated to the instructor getting a date, rehearsal was moved up. Now that he thought about it, he wondered where Hyunwoo was. Probably still getting fitted in his costume.

 

As he neared the closet he bumped into a smaller body. He turned to see a boy at least an inch or two shorter than him, staring up wide eyed at him. He had to be the cutest little thing Minhyuk had ever seen. He noticed the tiny boy’s cheeks beginning to turn a shade of pink that beautifully matched his hair.

 

Minhyuk smirked at the shorter and opened his mouth to greet him when the boy mumbled a ‘sorry’ before shuffling away at the speed of light.

 

The taller watched the pink headed boy make his way to a familiar looking boy who was on the stage, fiddling with a poster. Minhyuk wanted nothing but to follow him. He was too cute to leave alone. 

 

“Aw, he has a lisp.” Minhyuk whispered to himself, amused as he dug around in the closet.

 

-

Kihyun nearly tripped on his way back to Hyungwon, the step stool banging against his tiny legs as he ran. Hyungwon looked up from where he was unrolling the posters to quirk up an eyebrow at the flustered Kihyun.

 

“What’s your problem?”

 

“Three! Hyungwon, three is here!” Kihyun whispered fiercely at the other. Hyungwon looked over to the closet where Kihyun came from to indeed see Hot Guy #3 walking out of the auditorium with a new roll of tape in hand.

 

Hyungwon snorted in amusement.

 

“Make a fool of yourself?”

 

Kihyun simply grimaced, shoving the step stool in Hyungwon’s face.

 

“Let’s just get this over with so we can leave.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**chat: pure christain household**

 

 

 **yam** : wait wat is hot guy 3

 

 **pinkster** : how to esplain

 

 **jooice** : i shall

 

 **jooice** : so like there r 3 rlly hot guys on campus

 

 **jooice** : we discovered them like a year ago

 

 **jooice** : nd the 3 of us kinda like them

 

 **yams** : u don’t kno their names?

 

 **winwon** : dear sweet child

 

 **winwon** : does pure gorgeousness even need a name

 

 **pinkster** : everyone here is too much of a pussy to start a convo w them nd learn their names

 

 **winwon** : ^

 

 **jooice** : so we call them hot guy 1 2 & 3

 

 **yams** : interesting

 

 **yams** : can u describe them to me

 

 **winwon** : gorgeous

 

 **pinkster** : hot

 

 **jooice** : sexy

 

 **yams** : thank

 

 **jooice** : lmao do u guys remember when we found out those 3 were friends

 

 **winwon** : that day my leg was set on fire nd i passed out n the bathtub

 

 **pinkster** : nd i was hiding n the dumbwaiter for like an hour soaked n milk

 

 **jooice** : & i was cosplaying as invader zim to keep us from getting arrested

 

 **jooice** : good times

 

 **winwon** : honestly

 

 **yams** : wait

 

 **yams** : wat

 

 **pinkster** : a story for another time

 

 **jooice** : yes get back to the poster story

 

 **jooice** : i wanna kno y ki was n a skirt

 

 **yams** : w h A t

 

 **winwon** : ah yes

 

 **pinkster** : listen

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Why does she want the posters on the sides of the stage? Doesn’t that take away from the play?” Kihyun questioned as he held the stool steady for Hyungwon.

 

“I dunno. Plus you saw her outfit, she doesn’t really have an eye for design.”

 

Kihyun rolled his eyes and began to speak when he was interrupted by a tap of his shoulder.

 

“Kihyun, yes?” The instructor smiled. Kihyun motioned for Hyungwon to step down so he could let go of the stool to turn around. Returning the smile, he confirmed his name before asking how he could be of assistance.

 

“Well you see,” she began, and it was then that Kihyun noticed some students giggling behind her, “my main star is unable to attend rehearsal which is a problem because I need them to try on their costume to make sure it fits. You seem to be around the same size and I was hoping you could try it on in place of them.”

 

Hyungwon grinned and spoke up.

 

“Kihyun would be happy to help.”

 

Normally Kihyun would claw out Hyungwon’s eyes, but he didn’t see a problem so he shrugged in agreement. The instructor thanked him multiple times before dragging him to the dressing room.

 

-

 

“Okay I finished this poster. You’re doing the next one.” Hoseok said, making his way down the ladder.

 

“Sure. After a break.” Minhyuk said waltzing back into the auditorium. Hoseok sputtered as Minhyuk disappeared into the room, sighing as he followed.

 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Minhyuk was looking for something. Or someone.

 

“Minhyuk the quicker we finish, the quicker we can get snacks to watch the rehearsal.” Hoseok whined.

 

“If you wanna go finish it then go ahead.” Minhyuk said with a grin, having spotted his prey. Hoseok followed Minhyuk’s line of sight only to find a boy with pink hair and equally pink cheeks walking out on stage in a very interesting outfit.

 

Hoseok knew that look on Minhyuk’s face. He sent his support to the poor pink haired boy before stepping back out to finish the job bitterly.

 

-

 

Hyungwon didn’t even bother to hold in his laughter when Kihyun walked out. The shirt he wore was a light pink with a heart in the middle, the sleeves puffed out. Over it sat a baby blue jumper skirt that rested at his mid thigh. His legs were adorned with white stockings that were paired with plain with sneakers.

 

“Shut up.” Kihyun gritted out as the taller male doubled over in laughter. His hands found comfort in twirling the end of the skirt between his fingers. “I just barely got away from wearing the cat ears that go with this costume. What the fuck kind of play?”

 

The instructor tugged Kihyun to her and inspected the outfit.

 

“Does it fit well? How’s the waist?”

 

Kihyun blew his bangs from his face and answered all of the rapid fire questions thrown at him until the instructor was satisfied.

 

“Hold on I need to text this to Jooheon.” Hyungwon snorted, grabbing his phone. Kihyun knocked it out of his hand and shoved the second poster in his face.

 

“Get to work.” He ordered. “I’ll tell him myself thank you.”

 

With that, Kihyun hopped down from the stage to grab his phone from his bag, ready to rant in the chat when another voice interrupted him.

 

“I think you look quite cute.”

 

Kihyun snorted, and turned to tell the newcomer just what his thoughts were. His words immediately died in his throat.

 

-

 

Minhyuk watched as the instructor pulled at the boy and the outfit. He had no idea why he was suddenly in this outfit, but he wasn’t complaining.

 

The boy jumped down from the stage and Minhyuk took his chance to sneak up on the boy. He let his eyes drag over the smaller’s backside for a bit before voicing his opinion about the new style. The other turned on his heel and in a matter of seconds turned into a deer in headlights.

 

Absolutely precious.

 

“Hi there. I’m Minhyuk.” The older greeted with a wide smile. “You are..?”

 

The shorter opened his mouth to speak and when nothing came out he promptly shut it. Holding up one finger to excuse himself, the smaller quickly made his escape back on to the stage. Minhyuk had already decided he liked this boy. He copied the other and climbed onto the stage, sliding up to him from behind again.

 

“Who are you texting?” Minhyuk asked, biting back a smile when he saw the smaller nearly drop his phone out of fright.

 

“Please!” He cried, clutching his heart. Minhyuk snorted in amusement as he felt his own phone going off. Hoseok has texted him, scolding him and demanding to receive assistance. Minhyuk easily brushed him off. There was no way in hell he was leaving now that he’s got a cute boy tripping over himself.

 

“Please what?” Minhyuk teased, stepping around to face the smaller before he could run away again. He saw out of the corner of his eye Hoseok walking in with a sour expression. Minhyuk simply grinned at his friend.

 

Pink boy used this half second to slip away. Minhyuk was quick to register the movement and follow the smaller.

 

-

 

Kihyun nearly tripped over his own feet as Hot Guy, well, Minhyuk, pursued him. Hyungwon was useless in this situation so it was up to him to survive this encounter. He could hear Hyungwon cackling as he finished hanging up the second poster when suddenly the cackling was replaced with a yelp and loud thud.

 

Well Hyungwon apparently is useful.

 

Kihyun took advantage of the moment of distraction to book it into the closet. He stuffed himself into the far corner, recording all events in the chat so future generations will be able to read and learn what caused Kihyun’s death.

 

Kihyun could hear people asking Hyungwon is if was alright and he couldn’t help but feel some kind of satisfaction that he wasn’t the only fool on this stage. He was tempted to peek out to see what was going on when a voice stopped him.

 

“Pink boy~”

 

Kihyun gulped.

 

This was doing nothing for his anxiety. Footsteps found their way to the closet. Kihyun was furiously typing out messages to the chat, in some hopes that Hyungwon would find it in his cold tired heart to rescue him. All efforts were in vain as the closet doors were thrown open and Kihyun was affronted by Minhyuk’s smirking face.

 

“There you are.” He hummed, snatching Kihyun’s phone away.

 

Kihyun yelped and leaped out of the closet. The chat was still open and he wasn’t ready for Minhyuk to see his panicked gay texts over him.

 

“Who are you always texting?” Minhyuk wondered out loud, typing out his own message before the phone was snatched from him by Kihyun.

 

Kihyun booked it again and this time headed for the dressing room. He was getting out of this disaster of an outfit and back into the safety of his dorm. A text from Hyungwon alerted him. He barely typed out a readable reply before bumping into a solid surface.

 

-

 

Hyungwon didn’t mean to laugh so much. There’s just something satisfying about seeing Kihyun go into Disaster Gay mode whenever Hot Guy #3 is around.

 

His leg was throbbing as he stood with the help of a couple of students. He was distracted by the pain he felt as he tried to walk to a seat to give attention to the one kindly assisting him.

 

“Thank you.” He sighed out once seated. Whoever helped him sat in the seat adjacent.

 

“No problem.” The other responded cheerfully. Hyungwon died a little internally. He knew that voice. As much as he would come into his arts and design class to bother Hot Guy #3, Hyungwon knew his voice by now.

 

“By the way, I’m Hoseok.”

 

-

 

“Oh hi, Hyunwoo!” Minhyuk chirped, his hands finding the smaller’s shoulders and tugging on them to bring the boy against him.

 

“Minhyuk please stop terrorizing students.” The roadblock known as Hyunwoo sighed. The pink haired boy hadn’t seen Hyunwoo leaving the dressing rooms and ran right into him, nearly toppling to the floor if the older hadn’t steadied him.

 

“Look how cute he is though!” Minhyuk whined.

 

Pink boy, as Minhyuk decided to call him, managed to pull a slightly offended yet greatly flustered expression. He started pulling away again.

 

“I really have somewhere I need to go.” Pink boy said, nearly beginning to whine.

 

“Nonsense!” Minhyuk exclaimed, wrapping an arm around Pink boy and bring him to the edge of the stage to sit at. “Your friend is over there and needs to rest before you two walk back.”

 

Pink boy huffed as he was forced to sit, one hand holding his phone and the other fumbled with the skirt again.

 

Minhyuk reached out and tugged at Kihyun’s hand.

 

“If you keep pulling at the skirt you’ll ruin it.” He informed the smaller, smoothing out the skirt over Pink boy’s thighs. He watched as Pink boy began typing on his phone again. He could make out lines of sentence typed in all caps being sent by him. A smug pride built up in him. He made Pink boy nervous.

 

Unable to just let Pink boy live, he leaned over to rest his head on his shoulder. Pink boy immediately tensed up but didn’t nothing to get away. Minhyuk’s smugness only grew when he saw a message light up Pink boy’s screen.

 

‘IS IT TRUE U WANNA BEND DAT BODY LIKE A GUMNAST FOR HIM?’

 

Minhyuk laughed out loud and Pink boy curled in on himself, hands coming up to cover his rapidly reddening face.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

**chat: pure christain household**

 

 

 

 **winwon** : den the teach told ki to stop tainting the costume w his b.o & change back

 

 **winwon** : nd we left

 

 **yams** : that was a rollercoaster

 

 **jooice** : ND I M I S S ED IT

 

 **pinkster** : got the food. on the way home

 

 **yams** : kihyun hyung, are you alright?

 

 **pinkster** : :’)

 

 **pinkster** : yes my sweet child i’m alright

 

 **winwon** : i was like so sure ki was gonna dead today

 

 **jooice** : well i’m glad he didn’t

 

 **pinkster** : how sweet

 

 **pinkster** : also guess what

 

 **yams** : wat

 

 **winwon** : we got their names

 

 **jooice** : JDNDFN RLLY???

 

 **yams** : T E A

 

 **winwon** : i don’t think that’s wat tea means

 

 **jooice** : let him live

 

 **jooice** : AND TELL ME

 

 **pinkster** : okay okay

 

 **pinkster** : heonie, your hot guy #1 is hyunwoo

 

 **jooice** : i’m love

 

 **yams** : interesting

 

 **pinkster** : hyungwon’s #2 is hoseok

 

 **winwon** : beautiful is it not

 

 **winwon** : nd kihyun’s #3 is minhyuk

 

 **jooice** : after all these yrs of not knowing

 

 **jooice** : finally

 

 **jooice** : my future

**jooice** : it is bright

 

 **jooice** : my hopes

 

 **jooice** : are raised

 

 **jooice** : my dick

 

 **pinkster** : Enough

 

 **winwon** : jdkfn how many months has it been since when discovered these gods & we just now r learning names

 

 **pinkster** : at least we can honestly say we didn’t stalk them

 

 **jooice** : changkyun is quiet

 

 **jooice** : did we scare u

 

 **yams** : lol no sorry

 

 **yams** : was texting the fam

 

 **yams** : btw i wanna introduce u guys to them

 

 **yams** : could welike do a big chat? i want both my fams to meet

 

 **jooice** : WE ARE UR FAM NOW??? quq

 

 **winwon** : i’m am uncle

 

 **pinkster** : wats the family line that makes u an uncle i’m confuzzled

 

 **yams** : “i’m am uncle”

 

 **jooice** : yes pls let’s combine fams

 

 **pinkster** : kids the food has arrived

 

 **pinkster** : get ur asses n here

 

 **winwon** : listen

 

 **yams** : gr8

 

 **yams** : :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we finally get an explaination plus changkyun is scheming 
> 
> i hope it isn’t moving too fast but like i rlly want my boys to meet nd chat djcmkd this is such a long chapter


	5. hefty succ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jooheon meets three undercover idiots while kihyun and hyungwon fight off changkyun

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 

 **barebear** : On my way home, do I need to pick up dinner?

 **hyukleberry** : nah wonho n i grabbed some noodles

 **barebear** : Will Changkyun be dinning with us?

 **hyukleberry** : nah he dumpedd us for his new fam

 **raMAN** : whomst

 **barebear** : You mean that Jooheon guy?

 **raMAN** : o

 **raMAN** : well that aside

 **raMAN** : min

 **raMAN** : i demand compensation

 **hyukleberry** : idk wat that means

 **hyukleberry** : i don"t speak korean

 **raMAN** : Minhyuk

 **barebear** : I meant to ask what was going on today.

 **raMAN** : u mean y was min harassing that boy

 **hyukleberry** : it was not

 **hyukleberry** : he liked it

 **raMAN** : he locked himself n the fuckin closet

 **barebear** : Why am I not surprised Minhyuk made someone lock themselves in a closet?

 **hyukleberry** : uM

 **hyukleberry** : r u d e

 **raMAN** : n then he left me to do all the work

 **hyukleberry** : listn

 **hyukleberry** : u cant rlly expect me not to play w him

 **hyukleberry** : he was too CUTE

 **raMAN** : well so am i but ur able to control yourself

 **hyukleberry** : bc u can also end me w 1 punch n id rather not

 **hyukleberry** : dis guy was t i n y

 **barebear** : You are shameless.

 **hyukleberry** : thank

 **limbo** : whatd i miss

 **raMAN** : minhyuk molesting someone

 **limbo** : o so nothing new

 **hyukleberry** : im sorry?

 **raMAN** : PFT

 **barebear** : lol

 **limbo** : huyng

 **limbo** : when we first met u woudnt stop touching me

 **limbo** : there was a minute or 2 when i wasn't sure if my virginity was still intact

 **hyukleberry** : WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO LOVE U

 **raMAN** : expose his ass changkyun

 **hyukleberry** : wonho

 **hyukleberry** : knife fight @ 3 behind the monkey bars

 **hyukleberry** : ill b waiting

 **barebear** : No knife fights please.

 **limbo** : so i was wondering

 **limbo** : the jooheon guy i was with

 **limbo** : i was wondering if i could add him to this chat?

 **barebear** : Sure.

 **raMAN** : WAIT

 **raMAN** : wat if hes rlly shady

 **barebear** : Well Changkyun trusts him.

 **raMAN** : that means nothing to me

 **limbo** : wow thanks

 **hyukleberry** : i agree w won

 **limbo** : betrayed

 **hyukleberry** : u don't get to say anything

 **hyukleberry** : u have wounded me

 **limbo** : hyung pls

 **hyukleberry** : wat if he is secretly a murderer

 **hyukleberry** : or worse

 **hyukleberry** : a furry

 **barebear** : Minhyuk

 **raMAN** : hyunwoo u cant trust ppl nowadays

 **barebear** : Alright so are you saying you don't want Jooheon to be added?

 **hyukleberry** : no i wanna meet him

 **limbo** : so wats the plan then

 **raMAN** : make a new chat w all of us n we'll all use fake names

 **barebear** : That

 **barebear** : That's your plan

 **barebear** : Whats the point

 **hyukleberry** : that way he can't look us up n find our dorm n murder us

 **limbo** : hes been n ur dorm w me

 **hyukleberry** : betrayed twice

 **hyukleberry** : i have no son

 **raMAN** : listen

 **raMAN** : just go w it

 **limbo** : fine

 **limbo** : one moment while i form the chat

 

 

**private chat: juice, Rambo**

 

 **rambo** : wanna meet my fam?

 **juice** : hell yea

 **juice** : wat abt ki n won

 **rambo** : imma ease them n

 **juice** : good idea

 **juice** : i think ki is still crying from yesterday

 **juice** : he can’t handle more human interactions

 **rambo** : lmao hang on

 

 

**whatiam added barebear, raMAN, hyukleberry, and juice to the chat**

**whatiam changed the chat name to homoies**

 

 **whatiam** : wait that was a typo

 **whatiam** : o well

 **whatiam** : fam meet jooheon

 

**juice changed their name to honey**

 

 **honey** : aye fam

 

 **barebear** **changed their name to shulk**

 

 **shulk** : Hello, Jooheon. My name is Shownu.

 

 

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 **hyukleberry** : the name from that one dance team u were n?

 **raMAN** : GOOD IDEA HYUNG

 

 

**chat: homoies**

**raMAN changed their name to thorho**

 

 

 **thorho** : hi jooheon! i'm wonho

 

 

**chat: Mambo #5**

 

 

 **hyukleberry** : jfkdnc wat name do i use

 **raMAN** : idk like just half ur name

 

 

**chat: homoies**

**hyukleberry changed their name to lokyuk**

 

 **whatiam** : r u guys the avengers or smth

 

**lokyuk changed the chat name to dickengers**

 

 **lokyuk** : yes

 **lokyuk** : u can call me hyuk

 **honey** : liek sanhyuk frm vixx?

 **lokyuk** : i like u already

 **honey** : thank u its nice to meet u guys

 **thorho** : the pleasure is ours

 **shulk** : Kind of selfish to take all the pleasure for ourselves.

 **whatiam** : h YU ng

 **shulk** : What?

 **honey** : brb cackling

 **lokyuk** : i knew shownu hyung was always a lowkey frek

 **whatiam** : pls stop

 **whatiam** : hes like me dad

 **honey** : *daddy

 **whatiam** : JOOHEON

 **thorho** : lmao

 **shulk** : :)

 **lokyuk** : so jooheon

 **whatiam** : o no

 **lokyuk** : weve heard a lot abt u

 **honey** : y wat did he tell u

 **honey** : listen

 **honey** : idc wat he says

 **honey** : but it was not a bazooka n my room

 **honey** : i swear

 **thorho** : im sorry what

 **honey** : wat

 **shulk** : Jooheon

 **honey** : suddenly i have to go

 **shulk** : Get back here

 **honey** : suddenly i'm back

 **lokyuk** : i just wanted u to tell me abt yourself

 **honey** : o

 **whatiam** : i told u to not b intimidated

 **honey** : listn

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 **yams** : jooheon is panicking

 **winwon** : his gay ass cant handle all the testosterone

 **yams** : n yet he does fine in here???

 **winwon** : i

 **pinkster** : yam boy got jokes

 **winwon** : listen

 **jooice** : idk theyre p cool

 **pinkster** : as long as u don't tell them abt ur bee onesie youll b fine

 **winwon** : don't u mean bee fine

 **pinkster** : no

 **yams** : wait his wat

 **jooice** : kihyun

 **pinkster:** oops :)

 

 

**chat: dickengers**

 

 

 **honey** : alright listen

 **honey** : changkyun is abt to come n and say something completely untrue

 **whatiam** : jooheon i didn't kno u have a bee oneise

 **honey** : don't listen to him

 **shulk** : Don't worry, Wonho has a bunny onesie.

 **thorho** : i smell betrayal

 **honey** : aye we can be double b, hyung

 **honey** : if its alright to call u hyung ^^;

 **thorho** : (⊙ω⊙)

 **thorho** : yes ofc its okay, B

 **honey** : AYE B HYUNG

 **whatiam** : lmao b hyung?

 **honey** : shhh lemme b cool n front of ur parents

 **thorho** : my heart is gonna give out he is too precious

 **lokyuk** : ahem im right here

 **thorho** : so u are

 **lokyuk** : rudE

 **shulk** : Jooheon.

 **honey** : yes sir

 **shulk** : You can call me hyung as well.

 **honey** : thank u hyung :D

 **shulk** : No problem. I meant to ask, what's your major?

 **honey** : im a lit major

 **honey** : creative writing is a hobby of mine

 **honey** : wat abt u?

 **shulk** : Drama major. I've found acting to be a bit of a talent of mine.

 **honey** : that's awesome hyung!!!!

 **honey** : when i get my fuckn degree imma creative write u a movie to star in

 **shulk** : I'll look forward to it.

 **honey** : me too!!

 **lokyuk** : im an arts major as well if anyone is interested

 **thorho** : i mean not rlly

 **whatiam** : lmao hyung

 **lokyuk** : i take arts and design

 **honey** : o that's cool my friend takes that too

 **honey** : idk y bc he complains abt it

 **honey** : wait i take that back i do kno y

 **whatiam** : do tell

 **honey** : he can ger away w naps since the instructor is like 1000 yrs old

 **lokyuk** : wow that's how old shownu is

 **shulk** : Listen.

 **lokyuk** : who is ur friend?

 **honey** : his name is hyungwon

 **honey** : rlly tall, lanky, has the facial expressions of Kristen stewart

 **lokyuk** : O YEA

 **lokyuk** : rlly pretty lips

 **honey** : idk man hes too tall for me to see

 **lokyuk** : yes i kno him

 **thorho** : do u rlly

 **lokyuk** : im not speaking to u

 **thorho** : what did i do

 **honey** : 1 moment u guise

 **honey** : important call on my other line

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 

 **jooice** : what the fuck is up kyle

 **jooice** : stop harassing my notifications

 **pinkster** : no one summoned u go back to whatever depths of hell u climbed out of

 **winwon** : i think ur confusing him w yourself

 **pinkster** : listen

 **jooice** : wats happeing

 **yams** : my fam is taking to jooheon well i wanna add another one of u

 **pinkster** : someone stop him

 **winwon** : my body isn't ready

 **yams** : y not

 **jooice** : theyre actually rlly nice

 **pinkster** : okay but im not

 **winwon** : ^

 **yams** : i think u guys r nice

 **pinkster** : that's only bc we fed u

 **yams** : and ill never forget it

 

 

**chat: homoies**

 

 

 **lokyuk** : where’s my new son

 **lokyuk** : joohoney come back (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 **whatiam** : wait

 **whatiam** : shownu hyung call jooheon

 **shulk** : Jooheon, come here.

 **honey** : jfndk srry Guys whatd i miss

 **lokyuk** : i

 **thorho** : rip minhyuk

 **lokyuk** : i have no children

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 

 **yams** : they’ve warmed up to jooheon quite nicely

 **winwon** : say wat u will

 **winwon** : i’m not meeting them

 **yams** : y not

 **winwon** : y would we meet them??

 **yams** : wym

 **pinkster** : jooheon is meeting them bc he’s friends w you

 **pinkster** : so it’s his thing to go meet them

 **yams** : r u saying u aren’t my friends

 **pinkster** : changkyun

 **winwon** : yes

 **pinkster** : Hyungwon.

 **winwon** : i cant w ppl rn

 **yams** : but they aren’t ppl

 **pinkster** : i havent reviewed my notes on proper social etiquette n a while

 **yams** : hyung

 **pinkster** : i’m Making dinner rn

 **yams** : we just ate?

 **winwon** : im doing homework

 **pinkster** : .

 **yams** : pls

 **yams** : fine 

 **yams** : not right now

 **yams** : but one (1) day

 **yams** : im adding u

 **pinkster** : i dare you

 **winwon** : do it and u can give me a hefty s u c c

 **yams** : that doesnt deter me hyung ;)

 **winwon** : suddenly i have ti lesve

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler  
> bet u thought it was gonna be nothing but panicked gay screams this chapter  
> nothing but slightly agitated gay murmuring  
> maybe a lik paincked Gay w jooheon nd shownu  
> just wait til changkyun adds the other two


	6. a bat in his hands and murder in his eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jooheon and shownu are talking  
> chnagkyun is ready to scheme some more  
> kihyun is pissed  
> wonho and minhyuk never get along  
> hyungwon tries

**chat: pure christian household**

**pinkster changed their name to ebitchu**

 

 **ebitchu** : i’m not mad

 **winwon** : o fuck

 **winwon** : hes seething

 **winwon** : everybody s c a t t e r

 **ebitchu** : listen

 **ebitchu** : i just want to know

 **ebitchu** : who changed my alarm tone to nyan cat

 **yams** : JFJFFJK

 **winwon** : that’s a level even i won’t sink to

 **ebitchu** : changkyun?

 **yams** : wait

 **winwon** : HES NOT DENYING IT

 **ebitchu** : changkyun

 **winwon** : yam boy bout to get it

 **yams** : hyung have u heard of street smarts?

 **ebitchu** : i’m giving u ten seconds

 **yams** : bUT IT WASNT ME

 **ebitchu** : alright

 **ebitchu** : jooheon?

 **winwon** : where is the child

 **ebitchu** : answer me u rat

 

 

 

**chat: dickengers**

**shulk changed their name to ursidae**

 

 

 **thorho** : whomstve

 **ursidae** : What?

 **thorho** : the absolute fuck hefk is ursidae

 **honey** : the scientific term for bear

 **ursidae** : It’s the scientifi-

 **ursidae** : Oh

 **honey** : (˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵)

 **honey** : sorry hyung

 **lokyuk** : how the fuckle did u kno that

 **honey** : well u see

 **honey** : my friend joined some biology class first year nd had to learn the scientific names for certain animals

 **thorho** : ur Hyungwon friend?

 **honey** : no this one is different

 **whatiam** : kihyun took biology?

 **honey** : yes

 **honey** : n i would tell u why but he swore to rip off my left testicle and sew it to my right eyelid if i ever told anyone

 **lokyuk** : i saw the word testicle whats good

 **whatiam** : hxhxhxhj

 **whatiam** : kihyun can b scary when he wants to b

 **honey** : LMAO KIHYUN SCARY?

 **honey** : pLs

 **ursidae** : And yet you won’t tell us why he took the class because he told you not to??

 **honey** : y must u hurt me like this

 **lokyuk** : so i was just informed that my poster will b used as the title pic for the play bill

 **thorho** : show me where i asked

 **honey** : what’s the play bill for hyuk hyung?

 **lokyuk** : my lovely honey it’s for shownu’s play

 **honey** : O i didn’t kno u were n a play shownu hyung!!

 **ursidae** : Yep. :)

 **thorho** : my son is growing up

 **thorho** : i still remember his first play

 **lokyuk** : he did so wonderfully as tree #4

 **whatiam** : 4

 **whatiam** : not 1 or 2 or 3

 **whatiam** : but f o u r

 **ursidae** : Changkyun.

 **lokyuk** : the best part is bc he’s basically a tree they just painted his body

 **honey** : r u serious

 **thorho** : unfortunately

 **ursidae** : Listen.

 **lokyuk** : hinestly

 **lokyuk** : he went out in just some brown pants then they painted his body brown and face green

 **thorho** : i think they gave him some twinks to hold

 **thorho** : fUKC I MEANT TWIGS

 **whatiam** : JCNCJCJC

 

 

**whatiam changed the chat name to twink tree**

 

 

 **thorho** : listen here up

 **honey** : hfjfjfjfh c h a n g k y u n

 **honey** : also pics or it didn’t happen

 **whatiam** : PLS

 **thorho** : remember how ur afraid of that kihyun guy?

 **lokyuk** : similar situation here

 **ursidae** : I’m glad we still have that understanding.

 **whatiam** : H Y U N G

 **ursidae** : Anyways,

 **ursidae** : I feel like we should’ve addressed Jooheon’s bee onesie more.

 **honey** : jooheon is unavailable @ the moment please try again nd he will return ur call n the next 3-5 business days

 **ursidae** : Jooheon.

 **whatiam** : JOOHEON OTHEF CHAT PLS

 

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 

 

 **winwon** : CHANGEKIN GRT UP ND STIP HIM

 **yams** : IM CANT

 **yams** : HES GOT THR FUKVN TERMINITIR RUN

 **jooice** : what’d i miss

 **ebitchu** : where are you

 **winwon** : FUKCN RUN

 **jooice** : JCNDK. HYUNG WAIT

 **jooice** : WATS HAPPENINF

 **ebitchu** : i’ll give you one minute

 **ebitchu** : too explain why

 **ebitchu** : i woke up to bleeding ears this morning

 **jooice** : oh that

 **winwon** : for the love of everything good and pure and holy on god’s green earth

 **winwon** : y would u

 **jooice** : I CAN EXPLAIN

 **ebitchu** : 43 seconds

 **jooice** : LIFTRN

 **jooice** : CHANGKUIN DARED MR TOO

 **ebitchu** : changkyun

 **yams** : would u look @ them tire tracks on my back

 **yams** : from u throwing me under the bus

 **jooice** : fuck if imma get n trouble bc of u

 **ebitchu** : jooheon

 **ebitchu** : honey

 **jooice** yes hyung ♡

 **ebitchu** : u both r getting ur asses beat

 

 

 

**chat: twink tree**

 

 

 

 **honey** : fAm if i die tonight

 **ursidae** : Jooheon

 **honey** : _if i die tonight_

 **honey** : i want changkyun to have my mixtapes

 **whatiam** : wym i’m dying w you

 **lokyuk** : no one is dying

 **lokyuk** : but wat do i get

 **honey** : my undying love

 **honey** : nd my baby pictures

 **lokyuk** : IM LOVE

 **thorho** : what abt ur favorite hyung

 **honey** : ur completely rigft im so sorry

 **honey** : shownu hyung u get all the stories nd poems i’ve written

 **ursidae** : I will treasure them.

 **thorho** : D:

 **ursidae** : :)

 **honey** : on other note

 **honey** : y’all taking the news of my soon coming death p well

 **whatiam** : my death as well???

 **whatiam** : u kno what

 **whatiam** : you all are not

 **lokyuk** : YAINT

 **thorho** : SHIT THE UP FUKC

 **honey** : rip me

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

 

 

 **ursidae** : Hey

 **ursidae** : Jooheon

 **honey** : aye hyung

 **honey** : why we whisperin

 **ursidae** : Well, I’m going to need to order the tickets for my play soon and I was wondering if you would like to attend?

 **ursidae** : I need to go ahead and know how many tickets to order.

 **honey** : O

 **honey** : i’d love to go hyung!!

 **ursidae** : Okay, I’ll make sure to get you a ticket!

 **honey** : thank u so much

 **honey** : when’s the play

 **ursidae** : If all goes according to plan it’s the end of the month.

 **honey** : only a couple of weeks

 **honey** : r u nervous hyung

 **ursidae** : A little. It’s my first performance as the main character.

 **honey** : :O

 **honey** : u mean u haven’t been the main before?

 **honey** : this doesn’t add up

 **ursidae** : Haha, no I haven’t ever been the main character.

 **honey** : ????but ur such a good actor????

 **ursidae** : How do you know, hm? You’ve never watched me.

 **ursidae** : Unless you have without me knowing

 **honey** : kckckvlv nO

 **honey** : but it’s like a feelin i got

 **honey** : i just kno u must b a great actor

 **honey** : i feel it n my left buttcheek

 **ursidae** : I’ll address that last text later. First, you really think that I’m a good actor?

 **honey** : no

 **ursidae** : I

 **honey** : i said great actor

 **ursidae** : Jooheon, you’re too sweet.

 **honey** : (/ω＼)who me

 **honey** :nahhhhh

 **ursidae** : I’m serious. Thank you for that, I kind of needed it.

 **honey** : no problem hyung

 **honey** : anytime u need cheering up hmu

 **ursidae** : Will do. Thank you, Honey.

 **honey** : JFJFJFJFCK

 **ursidae** : Yes? :)

 **honey** : o by the way

 **honey** : do tell

 **honey** : tree #4

 **honey** : how’d u get that privilege?

 **ursidae** : I will not hesitate to come through this receiver.

 **honey** : kiss me thru the phone 

 **ursidae** : Is that a quote or a request?

 **honey** : yes

 **ursidae** : Oh?

 **honey** : KDKDKDK JOKING HYUNG

 **honey** : anyways i gotta blast

 **honey** : kihyun has a bat n his hands nd murder n his eyes

 **ursidae** : Stay safe, Honey.

 **ursidae** : I’ll blow you a kiss through the receiver if you survive.

 **honey** : suddenly i’m too powerful for kihyun to kill?????

 **ursidae** : :)

 **honey** : waIT NO ABORT ABIRT IM RUNNJNG FIKC ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so my original plan kinda flew out the got damn window but no need to worry bc i have plans  
> tag yourself im changkyun


	7. he’s died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's died

**chat: twink tree**

**thorho changed their name to shinoke**

**shinoke** : so

 **shinoke** : i finally watched the last jedi last night

 **whatiam** : omg i love star wars

 **whatiam** : dark radar and kobe 1 canola are my faves

 **whatiam** : kyle ron is so hot

 **whatiam** : and link starrunner is a legend

 **shinoke** : if u don’t

 

**lokyuk changed their name to gae**

**gae** : MORNING FELLAS

 **whatiam** : good morning hyung!!

 **shinoke** : it’s too early to speak in caps

 **gae** : we got a weak bitch in the chat

 **shinoke** : how about u fight me

 **gae** : srry i don’t fight twinks

 **shinoke** : i’m not asking u to fight changkyun??

 **whatiam** : hey now

 **gae** : THIS IS WAHT DREAMS R MADE OF

 **shinoke** : MY FUCKING SOMG?????

 **gae** : IKR A FUKCING MASTERPEICE

 **shinoke** : U MEAN THE WHOLE MOVIE?

 **gae** : HINESTLY

 

**gae changed the chat name to lizzie mcguire fan club**

**whatiam** : that’s too long

 

**whatiam changed the chat name to LMFC**

**gae** : o i’m srry

 **gae** : i didn’t realize u were the chat name expert

 **shinoke** : djdjdjdj lord give me the strength

 **shinoke** : where’s shownu w my strength

 **gae** : i peeked n his room when i got up

 **gae** : he was knocked the hell out

 **whatiam** : was hyung overworking himself again :(

 **gae** : not sure but his phone was on his face

 **shinoke** : he must’ve fell asleep watching tentacle hentai again smh

 **whatiam** : i

 **whatiam** : i’m sorry?

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 ** **winwon** : **i woke up this morning rlly stressed bc i dreamed i had to plan this heist w one direction nd figure out how to rob the eye of sauron w a pokeball nd the plan had to be in Sanskrit

 **ebitchu** : it’s 8 am stop texting me

 **yams** : that was a rollercoaster

 **ebitchu** : how abt u use those phenomenal scheming skills to figure out how to fry pancakes

 **winwon** : y would i when i have u

 **ebitchu** : where’s jooheon to hold me back

 **winwon** : aw u don’t rlly wanna hurt me

 **ebitchu** : i will reign down on u w all the powers of hell

 **yams** : aren’t u like 4 feet tall w the hair of a fairy and face of a hamster???

 **ebitchu** : i

 **yams** : aren’t u also the one who’s closet is filled w pink sweaters

 **yams** : what do u kno abt hell

 **ebitchu** : kyun

 **winwon** : JSJSJSJD CHANGKYUN JUST DESTORYED KI W THREE TEXTS

 **winwon** : BITCH IM FUKNCIN SCRE A M I N G

 **ebitchu** : i can see u sitting on the couch w the most uninterested facial expression won

 **yams** : *disinterested

 **ebitchu** : uninterested

 **ebitchu** : i kno my prefixes son

 **ebitchu** : speaking of

 **winwon** : dont @ me

 **ebitchu** : where’s jooheon

 **yams** : wym speaking of

 **winwon** : still asleep

 **winwon** : i can hear him snoring from here

 **ebitchu** : o lord he stayed up late again

 **yams** : y tho

 **winwon** : hes been texting sum guy

 **winwon** : hasn’t given a name tho

 **yams** : o

 **ebitchu** : jooheon get ur rotten fucking barnacle lookin ass up

 **winwon** : surely he must hear his phone going off

 **winwon** : unless he turned off this gc notifs

 **winwon** : n which case rude

 **jooice** : guis

 **ebitchu** : so he lives :)

 **jooice** : after u hit me w a hot metal spoon

 **jooice** : yes

 **yams** : kckckv kihyun hyung

 **ebitchu** : yes that’s me

 **winwon** : who do u keep texting at night

 **winwon** : son is there smth u wanna tell us

 **ebitchu** : first of all

 **ebitchu** : that idiot boy

 **ebitchu** : is my son

 **ebitchu** : second of all

 **ebitchu** : y the fuck r u awake texting

 **yams** : tea

 **winwon** : child

 **winwon** : can changkyun b my child

 **yams** : NO

 **ebitchu** : no

 **ebitchu** : they’re both mine

 **yams** : love u mom

 **ebitchu** : love u too sweetie now shut up

 **jooice** : listen

 **jooice** : we started talking abt what we would b like if we had periods nd hinestly??? it was a riveting conversation

 **ebitchu** : wat

 **winwon** : god rlly was lookin out for us by making kihyun male

 **winwon** : he’d be the worse on his period

 **ebitchu** : excuse me?

 **yams** : kind of agree but like hyungwon hyung u seem the type to whine

 **ebitchu** : honestly

 **ebitchu** : thank u changkyun

 **yams** : i gotchu ma

 **yams** : also who n their right mind was talking abt periods

 **jooice** : actually it was ur shownu hyung

 **winwon** : whomst’ve’ll

 **yams** : you’ve been texting shownu hyung??? since when???????

 **jooice** : hol up i’ll chek

 **ebitchu** : who is this shownu hyung

 **yams** : part of my fam that i’d like u nd hyungwon to meet

 **winwon** : pass

 **jooice** : KJKJKJKJ SO APPARENTLY WEVE BEEN TALKING FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS

 **winwon** : got damn

 **ebitchu** : u mean my son had been talking to some stranger for two weeks

 **yams** : THAT LONG?

 **yams** : nd u were gonna tell me when

 **jooice** : listen

 **ebitchu** : changkyun

 **yams** : yes’m?

 **ebitchu** : add me to the chat

 **yams** : RLLY

 **jooice** : wait hyung

 **winwon** : KSKSKDK KI ABT TO THROW DOWN

 **winwon** : ADD ME TOO I WANNA SEE

 **jooice** : G U Y S

 **yams** : y all of a sudden

 **ebitchu** : i need to interrogate nd possibly threaten the man who’s texting jooheon

 **ebitchu** : so if you’ll pls

 **jooice** : KIHYUN NO

 **winwon** : KIHYUN Y E S

 **yams** : i c a n n o t believe this is wat it took for u to let me add u

 **winwon** : we r simple ppl

 **winwon** : if there’s a chance of fighting then we’ll b there

 **jooice** : jckcm o no

 

 

 

**private: ursidae, honey**

**ursidae** : What If I just pour the chocolate on my body and you lick it off.

 **ursidae** : The fact that that last text was sent at 3:28 am and the read receipt is at 7:56 am really speaks volumes.

 **honey** : jcjcjcj okay so hyung

 **ursidae** : Okay so Honey.

 **honey** : changkyun is going to add kihyun nd hyungwon to the chat

 **honey** : nd they feel the need to interrogate u

 **honey** : u kno how protective nd loving parents r

 **ursidae** : This Kihyun is the same one who beat you with a bat?

 **honey** : that would b the hyung

 **ursidae** : Truly loving

 **ursidae** : Why did he beat you again?

 **honey** : das right i never rlly told u

 **honey** : i changed his alarm to nyan cat

 **ursidae** Oh my

 **ursidae** : And he only beat you with a bat?

 **honey** : WYM “ONLY”

 **ursidae** : If someone did that to me I’d have to crush their skull

 **honey** : could u even do that

 **ursidae** : I’ve been told my thighs are capable of doing so.

 **honey** : o

 **honey** : kinky

 **ursidae** : Jooheon

 **honey** : okay i’m sorry

 **ursidae** : Good boy.

 **honey** : thank u daddy

 **ursidae** : Of course, baby boy.

 **honey** : JCJCJCJ I DIDNT EXPECT U TO PLAY ALONG

 **honey** : usually u use ur dad voice to be all like “Jooheon.”

 **ursidae** : My dad voice?

 **honey** : okay listen

 **ursidae** : I’m listening.

 **ursidae** : My ears are always open for you.

 **honey** : STOP ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS

 **ursidae** : For what? I’m just making sure you know you have my undivided attention, Honey.

 **honey** : jcjcjcj pls have mercy on my weak heart

 **ursidae** : Already begging and I just got started.

 **honey** : hY U NG

 **ursidae** : Okay okay I’ll stop.

 **honey** : thank

 **ursidae** : For now.

 **honey** : hNNNNGGG

 **honey** : on another topic i wanna see these skull crushing thighs

 **ursidae** : Right when I stop you decide to hit me with this.

 **honey** : lmao i win

 **ursidae** : We’ll see

 **honey** : P I C

 **ursidae** : Right right okay.

 **ursidae** : Wait it’s kinda weird to just take a picture of my thighs.

 **honey** : ur point?

 **ursidae** : But it’s weird.

 **honey** : when has that reason ever stopped u before

 **ursidae** : You know what

 **honey** : then do a selfie instead

 **ursidae:** That is acceptable.

 **ursidae** : I just woke up so I hope you don't mind the bed hair.

 **honey** : ( *｀ω´)

 **honey** : HELL YEAH

 **honey** : this’ll be my first time seeing u hyung!!

 **ursidae:** Yeah it will. :)

 **ursidae** : Ah, I got a good one.

 **ursidae** : Hopefully I live up to your expectations.

_ursidae has sent an[image](https://data.whicdn.com/images/281306852/large.jpg)_

**ursidae** : Tada

 **ursidae** : Honey?

 **ursidae** : Jooheon?

 **ursidae:** It’s been twenty minutes, are you okay?

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

**yams** : alright i just cleared it w the fam to add u two

 **ebitchu** : fantastic

 **winwon** : my body is ready

 **jooice** : ZKCMKCNV WAIT WIST WAIT WSIF PLS

 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

**whatiam added ebitchu to the chat**

**whatiam added winwon to the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent llike twenty minutes trying to figure out how to add a photo then I gave up and just added a link  
> ANYGAY  
> jooheon died rip


	8. shownu’s foot fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger™️: TAHT HOT SLICE OF HUNKALIOUS ASS MUFFIN SENT ME A SELCA

**private chat: juice, rambo**

**juice changed their name to Anger™️**

 

 

 **Anger™️** : y O u

 **rambo** : wat

 **Anger™️** : BTICH

 **Anger™️** : YU KNOQ WHAT

 **Anger™️** : WHEN WERE U PLANNIG ON TELLIGN ME WHO SHOWNU HYUNG WAS

 **rambo** : lmao oh that

 **Anger™️** : FUKNCKGMXBD

 **rambo** : how did u find out?

 **Anger™️** : TAHT HOT SLICE OF HUNKALIOUS ASS MUFFIN SENT ME A SELCA

_Anger™️ sent a screenshot_

**Anger™️** : AND U KNEW

 **rambo** : first of all i didn’t tell u to private message him, u did that ur self.

 **Anger™️** : i

 **Anger™️** : I DID NIT

 **Anger™️** : HE MESSAGRD ME THANJ YOU

 **rambo** : second, what did u message him back w?

 **Anger™️** : I

 **Anger™️** : wait

 **Anger™️** : oh no

 **Anger™️** : FYCK ME

 **rambo** : i’ll leave that to shownu hyung

 **Anger™️** : UP SHTU UR INSATISABLE COCK HOLE

 **rambo** : ur rlly living up to ur username

 **Anger™️** : ND I FORGOT TO MESSGAE HIM BSCK HOL UP

 **Anger™️** : UR NIT OFF THE HOOK

 

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

**ursidae:** It’s been 45 minutes.

 **ursidae** : Am I that ugly?

 **honey** : JFNDKFN HYUN G N O

 **ursidae** : Oh!

 **honey** : AM SRRY HYUNG HAD TO HLP KIHYUN W SMTH

 **honey** : U LOOK GR8

 **ursidae** : Don’t apologize, it’s alright.

 **ursidae** : And thank you, Honey.

 **honey** : jfnjfjfjf u look rlly good

 **ursidae** : Oh?

 **honey** : I MEAN TAT IN THE STRAIGTHEST SENSE

 **ursidae** : No you don’t.

**ursidae** : You can’t even spell the word straight.

**honey** : okay look.

 **ursidae** : You know, it’s only fair if you send me a selca in return.

 **honey** : hyUng

 **honey** : i can’t

 **ursidae** : Why not?

 **honey** : i’m still n bed

 **honey** : i literally look like a foot rn

 **ursidae** : Feet aren’t unattractive.

 **honey** : i knew u had a foot fetish

 **ursidae** : Lord have mercy, Jooheon.

 **ursidae** : I don’t have a foot fetish.

 **honey** : whatever u say

 **honey** : but sidenote i’m barefoot now

 **honey** : oops did i just sext u??

 **ursidae** : I’m coming through the phone to get you.

 **honey** : cumming thru the phone?

 **ursidae** : Jooheon

 **honey** : okay okay

 **ursidae** Anyways, doesn’t matter. I’ll be seeing you soon.

 **honey** : hmm?

 **ursidae** : Honey~

 **honey** : yes hyung?

 **ursidae** : Do you remember what tomorrow is?

 **honey** : ofc hyung

 **honey** : national cowboy day

 **honey** : i never miss it

 **ursidae** : I-

 **honey** : yee haw motherfuckers das sure some mighty fine tarnation

 **ursidae** : Honey..

 **honey** : m’joking hyung, i kno tomorrow is ur play

 **ursidae** : :)

 **ursidae** : You’re still coming, yes?

 **honey** : ofc i am!!

 **ursidae** : I’m excited to see you.

 

 

 

 

**private chat: Anger™️, rambo**

**rambo** : if he sent u a selca that means things r getting Serious

 **Anger™️** : SHUT UR FA C E

 **Anger™️** : LISTEN

 **rambo** : listening

 **Anger™️** : TOMORROW IS HIS OLAY

 **rambo** : y r u yelling also it’s olé

 **Anger™️** : BC IM STILL ANGRY @ U FUCK YOU

 **Anger™️** : ND I MEANT P L A Y

 **rambo** : ah yis r u attending his play?

 **Anger™️** : YES

 **Anger™️** : HE SAID HES EXCITED TO SEE ME

 **rambo** : oh? “excited” ;)

 

**Anger™️ changed their name to ANGER**

**ANGER** : SHUT UP

 **ANGER** : WAT DO I SAY

 **ANGER** : I DONT WANNA SEE HIM

 **rambo** : y not?

 **ANGER** : BC IF I DO I MIGHT CRY

 

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

**honey** : m’excited to see u too hyung! ^^

 **ursidae** : Would you like for me to save you a front row seat?

 **honey** : u don’t have to do that hyung

 **honey** : back row is fine, plus they record the plays nd put em on disc

 **honey** : imma buy the disc

 **ursidae** : It’s no trouble really. The tickets didn’t really sell out so I’m sure some front seats will be free.

 **ursidae** : Plus then I get to see you.

 **honey** : JCJJFJFJF I DONT WANNA DISTRACT U

 **ursidae** : Oh? Are planning on distracting me?

 **honey** : OKSY LISTRN

 **ursidae** : I’m listening.

 **honey** : I MEANT LEIK

 **honey** : I WIULD DEFINITILY MAKE FACES @ U

 **ursidae** : No you won’t.

 **honey** : how r u so sure¿?

 **ursidae** : Because you know that if you do, I’ll spank you.

 **honey** : JFJFJFJFJFJ H

 **honey** : Y U NG

 **ursidae** : I’ll save you a front row seat.

 **ursidae** : And Jooheon?

 **honey** : yes’m? ;-;

 **ursidae** : Wear sandals ;)

 

 

 

 

**private chat: ANGER, rambo**

 

 

 

 **ANGER** : LIM CHANGKYUN I WILL KILL U

 **rambo** : bold of u to assume i’m alive

 **ANGER** : JFNCJCJJC HES SAVING ME A FRONT ROW SEAT @ HIS PLAY

 **ANGER** : IM CANT

 **rambo** : dont worry i’m going to b there

 **ANGER** : THAT WONT HELP

 **ANGER** : I NEED KIHYUN

 **rambo** : actually no pls

 **ANGER** : WYM

 **rambo** : if u could

 **rambo** : refrain ur self from telling hyungwon nd kihyun hyung who shownu is

 **ANGER** : AND WHY DO U ASK THAT PRAY TELL

 **rambo** : well listen

 **rambo** : i want them to get to know hyung like u did

 **rambo** : not as intimate i mean

 **ANGER** : i swesr

 **rambo** : but u kno

 **rambo** : as shownu hyung not hot guy

 **rambo** : u kno

 **ANGER** : .

 **ANGER** : i hate u

 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

**winwon changed their name to venti latte**

 

 

 **gae** : ooo fresh meat

 **venti latte** : evening fellas

 **venti latte** : i’m here to watch the fight

 **shinoke** : fight?

 **ebitchu** : greetings mortals, i’m satan

 **whatiam** : i don’t think the dark lord is a three foot tall pink fairy but sure

 **shinoke** : o this fight

 **ebitchu** : stop exposing me

 **honey** : JFJFJFJF PLS

 **honey** : @ebitchu is kihyun hyung, not satan

 **honey** : @venti latte is hyungwon hyung

 **venti latte** : nows not the time for pleasantries

 **ebitchu** : for once i agree w u

 **ebitchu** : i’m here for shownu

 **ursidae** : Do you mean Shownu Hyung?

 **ebitchu** : i mean the cheeky twat keeping my son awake past his bedtime

 **honey** : PLS

 **whatiam** : lmao imma need popcorn for this

 **ursidae** : I am said twat.

 **ursidae** : Also, Honey, I didn’t realize you had a bedtime.

 **shinoke** : wat the fuck was that sound

 **gae** : SHOWNU HYUNG IS LAUGHING????

 **gae** : HE NEVERS??????

 **honey** : well i didn’t realize u had a foot fetish hyung but i guess u learn smth new every day

 **shinoke** : FUCKIFNCJCLC

 **gae** : LMAO JOOHONEY ELABORATE OLS???

 **venti latte** : suddenly i hace tO LEAVR

 **ursidae** : Listen.

 **ebitchu** : i’m beginning to regret

 **whatiam** : im back w popcorn whatd i miss

 **venti latte** : joohone’s Guy has a foot fetish

 **ursidae** : Jooheon’s Guy?

 **honey** : ALIRHG LUDTRN

 **ebitchu** : jooheon’s last two brain cells just died

 **ebitchu** : how sad

 **honey** : BITCH???

 **venti latte** : lmao i haven’t seen jooheon this flustered since the ice cream/fire truck incident

 **ebitchu** : dont remind me

 **ebitchu** : i still have nightmares abt hiding n the ice cream tub

 **gae** : i

 **gae** : what

 **whatiam** : one day i’m to sit u three down and ur going to tell me these stories

 **shinoke** : stories

 **shinoke** : as in more than one

 **venti latte** : haha they aren’t rlly all what they sound to be

 **venti latte** : like that one time kihyun accidentally got a job as a professional stripper

 **venti latte** : sounds extreme but wasn’t rlly???

 **shinoke** : what

 **gae** : i’m suddenly listening

 **honey** : AND I WAS THE LAP DANCER

 **ursidae** : Wait a minute

 **ebitchu** : STOP EXPOSING M E

 **gae** : how do u get that job on accident

 **ebitchu** : clearly u’ve never seen me on the pole

 **gae** : can i?

 **shinoke** : control yourself

 **ebitchu** : enough abt my past mistakes

 **ebitchu** : shownu

 **ursidae** : *Hyung

 **ebitchu** : u get that title when i say u do

 **gae** : I’M

 **shinoke** : kyunnie bring me sum of that popcorn

 **ebitchu** : first off what r ur intentions w my son

 **honey** : jcjcjcj hyung pls

 **ursidae** : Depends on what Jooheon is comfortable with me doing.

 **venti latte** : consent

 **venti latte** : the sexiest foreplay

 **honey** : HYUNGWON

 **venti latte** : nothing turns me on more than permission

 **ebitchu** : pls

 **ebitchu** : alright so he’s a gentleman

 **ebitchu** : i’ll allow it

 **ebitchu** : but i will not hesitate to scoop your testicles from your body w a spoon and feed them to u

 **ebitchu** : if u wrong my son

 **ursidae** : Duly noted.

 **honey** : that leave chat button is rlly tempting

 **shinoke** : did we just witness the birth of a new couple

 **honey** : JDJFJFJFJ

 **whatiam** : i think we did which is weird

 **ursidae** : Why’s that?

 **whatiam** : hyuk hyung is rlly quiet

 **whatiam** : i thought he’d b screaming

 **gae** : srry fellas

 **gae** : was thinking abt stripper kihyun

 **ebitchu** : U DONT EVEN KNOW ME?????

 **venti latte** : lmao i have a video of it somewhere

 **shinoke** : sharing is caring hyungwon-ah

 **honey** : did

 **honey** : did someone scream

 **whatiam** : where?

 **venti latte** : KI THREW A BUTTER KNIFE AT ME

 **gae** : :O

 **ebitchu** : what video were u looking for hyungwon? :)

 **venti latte** : WHAT VIDEO I DONT KNOW HER

 **ebitchu** : good :)

 **gae** : who hurt u tiny satan

 **whatiam** : my last two brain cells can’t process this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> storytime
> 
> so kihyuk was the planned Main Couple nd hyungwonho since im a sucker for them was gonna be That Side Couple  
> then showheon in the background  
> but as i started writing i was like no i can’t do that to my children they need to shine  
> so naturally i was like let’s develop showheon first And then move to the Main Stuff  
> and then they kinda just took over??? bc they’re that powerful????  
> anyways couple of things  
> showheon aren’t official yet i kno what wonho said abt watching a new couple in the making but they are still developing so yea it’s not official  
> YET ;)  
> kihyuk is still my main couple  
> hyungwonho are gonna be v v interesting  
> also jooheon is a dumbass who hasn’t figured that maybe the other two in the chat are also hot guys but let him live, he just found out he’s been flirting w his crush for the past two weeks


	9. kihyun in his natural habitat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jooheon and shownu are going to meet  
> minhyuk still likes pink boy  
> kihyun is struggling

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

**honey** : about what time should i be there hyung

 **ursidae** : It starts at 7 so maybe 6:30?

 **honey** : thank

 

 

**ursidae added gae, shinoke, and whatiam to the chat**

**ursidae named the chat HELP**

**ursidae** : Please

 **gae** : wat is this

 **gae** : wat did u do

 **ursidae** : The guy I’ve been flirting with for two weeks is coming to my play.

 **shinoke** : i dont see the problem

 **ursidae** : It’ll be our first time talking face to face.

 **ursidae** : I don’t want to scare him.

 **gae** : then don’t say smth scary

 **ursidae** : I won’t hesitate bitch.

 **shinoke** : kskskdkd hyung’s making vine references

 **shinoke** : it’s worse than we thought

 **ursidae** : Ah fuck

 **gae** : hyung u can’t panic

 **gae** : u r shin hyunwoo

 **ursidae** : Minhyuk

 **shinoke** : SHIN IS MY SURNAME DUMBASS

 **gae** : look

 **gae** : wat im trying to say

 **gae** : is that u wont scare away ur boyfriend bc ur awesome

 **ursidae** : He’s not my boyfriend. And how do you know?

 **gae** : bc ur song hyunwoo

 **ursidae** : How many years have we known each other and you still don’t know my name.

 **gae** : irrelevant

 **shinoke** : hyung ur honestly the best w words among us all

 **shinoke** : i mean just bc minhyuk may talk all the fucking time doesn’t mean wat he says isn’t shit

 **gae** : uM bitch¿?

 **shinoke** : n when i talk all ppl hear is my godforsaken lisp

 **shinoke** : ur the most well versed

 **gae** : look @ how u text

 **ursidae** : Thanks guys.

 **gae** : no problem hyung

 **shinoke** : all n a day’s work ^^

 **gae** : now ur height is a different story

 **ursidae** : What

 **ursidae** : What about my height?

 **shinoke** : minhyukkie~

 **gae** : yes hoseokkie~?

 **shinoke** : stfu

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

**jooice** : u guise

 **ebitchu** : jooheon

 **ebitchu** : if you send one more message about not wanting to go

 **ebitchu** : i will shove a pair of rusty pliers up your ass and pull out your intestines and strangle you with them

 **jooice** : i was gonna ask where’s the hair brush

 **winwon** : dear child come to me

 **winwon** : i will style your hair

 **jooice** : thank hyung

 **ebitchu** : you got your ticket?

 **jooice** : yes changkyun brought it to me

 **ebitchu** : changkyun are you ready to go?

 **yams** : yea but i have some work i wanna finish up

 **yams** : so hyung can go first

 **jooice** : u mean i gotta go by myself

 **winwon** : ur hair is gorgeous

 **winwon** : nd yes

 **winwon** : you’ll be fine

 **jooice** : i don’t wanna go

 **ebitchu** : where r those fukin pliers

 **jooice** : ALRIGHT IM GOING

 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

**ursidae** : This costume is so itchy.

 **gae** : stop complaining

 **honey** : hyuk hyung, wonho hyung, will i see you at the play?

 **shinoke** : unfortunately not ( ･᷄ὢ･᷅ )

 **honey** : aww really?

 **gae** : do u kno how many plays we’ve had to sit through

 **whatiam** : lmao just within the two months i’ve known them i’ve been to two

 **honey** : good lord

 **ursidae** : Are you coming, Honey?

 **honey** : yes hyung, i’m on my way now

 **ursidae** : I’ll look out for you.

 **gae** : have fun you two!!

 

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

 

 **honey** : i have arrived

 **ursidae** : Oh good! Your seat is on the second row, turns out the first row is saved for the instructor and her date.

 **honey** : the

 **honey** : the entire first row

 **ursidae** : I don’t get it either. Did you find your seat?

 **honey** : ah i see the paper

 **honey** : JFJDJD HYUNG WHY

 **ursidae** : What?

 **honey** : “Reserved for Honey Bee”

 **ursidae** : You don’t like it?

 **honey** : skskdk if anyone saw that i won’t forgive u

 **ursidae** : At least Changkyun won’t be here to see it.

 **honey** : he’s coming later tho right?

 **ursidae** : Actually he texted me a little while ago to say he didn’t feel well and couldn’t make it.

 **honey** : i

 

 

 

**private chat: ANGER, rambo**

**ANGER** : i will murder u

 

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

**honey** : poor guy

 **ursidae** : Yeah.

 **ursidae** : Where are you?

 **ursidae** : I’m looking at your seat and I don’t see you.

 **honey** : there was a table full of cookies to the side

 **ursidae** : Honey

 **honey** : srry hyung but cookies always hold priority for me

 **ursidae** : I’m trying to spot you.

 **honey** : idk if u rlly want to

 **ursidae** : Why?

 **honey** : okay listen

 **honey** : kihyun told me i needed to dress up so

 **ursidae** : Mhm?

 **honey** : im the one w white hair

 **ursidae** : And white suit? And sunglasses?

 **honey** : listen

 **ursidae** : Is that really you?

 **honey** : yes!! where r u? how can u see me?

 **ursidae** : Look up at the stage.

 **ursidae** : And take off those sunglasses you are indoors.

 **honey** : yes yes srry

 **honey** : gasp i see u

 **honey** : hi hyung

 **ursidae** : Oh wow

 **honey** : wat?????

 **ursidae** : Nothing nothing.

 **ursidae** : You’re just

 **ursidae** : Really nice looking.

 **ursidae** : You look like an angel.

 **honey** : oh

 **honey** : hyung

 **ursidae** : The play’s about to start.

 **ursidae** : You’ll stay afterwards, right? I wanna talk to you.

 **honey** : sure hyung

 **ursidae** : Thank you, angel.

 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

**ebitchu** : is it gay to wanna hop on a guy’s dick and ride him into the sunset

 **venti latte** : f e l l a s

 **gae** : counter question

 **gae** : is it gay to wanna bend a guy over and take him on a one way trip to pound town

 **shinoke** : F E L L A S

 **whatiam** : so kihyun, why the question?

 **ebitchu** : never you mind

 **venti latte** : and on your left you will see a panicked gay in his natural habitat

 **ebitchu** : fuckin fight me

 **gae** : aww ki you don’t wanna share w the class

 **ebitchu** : excuse me but i am a dignified gay

 **ebitchu** : i don’t kiss and tell

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

**ebitchu** : GUIS

 **ebitchu** : SEND HELL

 **ebitchu** : *HELP

 **ebitchu** : IM ALREADY IN HELL

 **winwon** : wat r u yelling abt

 **ebitchu** : HOT GUY #3

 **yams** : i thought u knew his name by now

 **ebitchu** : i do but like i’m so used to saying hot guy #3 ‘kay?

 **winwon** : wat happened

 **ebitchu** : OKAY SO

 **ebitchu** : i was minding my own business

 **winwon** : lies

 **ebitchu** : i was miNDING MY OWN BUISNESS FUCK YOU

 **ebitchu** : i was coming from the library nd i had my book when out of the corner of my eye i saw hot guy

 **yams** : sips tea

 **ebitchu** : so i’m like thank u god for blessing me this day

 **ebitchu** : and then

 **ebitchu** : he sees me??? and starts walking to me??????

 **winwon** : pls tell me u talked to him

 **ebitchu** : if by talking u mean i pretended to read my book while hauling ass across campus then yea

 **winwon** : oh my god

 **ebitchu** : so i’m walking when i hear him like right behind me

 **ebitchu** : nd i’m panicking just a lil

 **ebitchu** : he’s like hey pink boy stop

 **ebitchu** : first of all pink boy?

 **ebitchu** : second i didn’t stop

 **yams** : y run if u like him?

 **winwon** : u rlly think kihyun would b able to talk

 **ebitchu** : listen

 **ebitchu** : i should have stopped

 **yams** : what did you do

 **ebitchu** : .

 **ebitchu** : ran into a fucking tree

 **winwon** : JFJDJDJDJ R.I.P. KIHYUN

 **ebitchu** : SHUT UP

 **yams** : WHAT DID HE DO?

 **ebitchu** : IDK I BLACKED OUT

 **yams** : WHAT

 **ebitchu** : okay not rlly but i felt him holding me and i started malfunctioning

 **winwon** : yoo kihyun everybody

 **ebitchu** : square up

 

 

 

**chat: HELP**

**gae** : so

 **gae** : let me tell u wat the good lord blessed me w today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler????  
> the next chapter is where its at honestly i'm so ready to get there


	10. hot n salty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hope i didn’t over hype this chapter  
> buT WE FINALLY MADE IT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS  
> changkyun makes no mistakes  
> minhyuk is not subtle

**chat: HELP**

 

 

 **shinoke** : i saw this video of a bunny wearing a sweater doN’T TOUCH ME IM WEAK

 **whatiam** : it’s too early for caps

 **shinoke** : LISTEN IM SOFT

 **gae** : u kno wat else is soft

 **gae** : pink boy’s ass

 **shinoke** : istg if u don’t stop

 **whatiam** : hyung it’s been nearly a week

 **gae** : U DONT JUST FORGET AN ENCOUNTER LIKE THAT

 **shinoke** : a guy running into a tree n knocking himself out?

 **shinoke** : i guess i can agree w you there

 **gae** : let him alone

 **ursidae** : I still fail to understand how you know the consistency of his butt.

 **whatiam** : i thot it was bc pink boy fell on him

 **gae** : sure

 **shinoke** : o dear god

 **shinoke** : wym sure

 **gae** : i mean he was out cold and i was trying to hold him up n

 **gae** : maybe

 **gae** : i accidentally got a handful

 **ursidae** : For the love of all things holy, Minhyuk, don’t tell me you groped an unconscious boy.

 **gae** : alright i won’t tell u

 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

 

 

 

 **ebitchu** : who shoved peanut butter down the sink drain i just wanna talk

 **venti latte** : don’t look at me i don’t even like peanut butter

 **ebitchu** : you’re eating a peanut butter sandwich rn

 **venti latte** : ur point being

 **ebitchu** : how do i even clean this

 **ursidae** : Hot water and salt.

 **honey** : describing kihyun doesnt help :/

 **shinoke** : pFT

 **ursidae** : Honey

 **ebitchu** : hey jooheon

 **ebitchu** : i wanna play a game

 **honey** : oooooo wat game??

 **ursidae** : Jooheon no

 **gae** : aww ki he was calling u hot tho

 **shinoke** : hot n salty

 **shinoke** : that’s ki

 **ebitchu** : fucking fist me

 **shinoke** : oh?

 **gae** : JFJFJCJCJ KI

 **ebitchu** : wat

 **ebitchu** : FITE*

 **ebitchu** : FUCK ME

 **shinoke** : i mean if u really wanna

 **ebitchu** : U KNO WAT I MEAN

 **venti latte** : i’m living for distressed kihyun

 **shinoke** : me too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **ebitchu** : i’m looking at the leave chat button real hard rn

 **gae** : u kno what else is real hard

 

**ebitchu has left the chat**

 

 **gae** : :O

 **gae** : CHANGKYUN ADD HIM BACK

 

**whatiam added ebitchu to the chat**

 

 **ebitchu** : listen

 **gae** : kiki

 **ebitchu** : what

 **gae** : do u love me

 **ebitchu** : NO PLS

 **honey** : ARE U RIDING

 **whatiam** : SAY YOU’LL NEVER EVER LEAVE

 **honey** : FROM BESIDE ME

 **whatiam** : CUZ I WANT YA

 **honey** : AND I NEED YA

 **honey** : AND IM DOWN FOR YA ALWAYS

 **whatiam** : AND IM DOW

 **whatiam** : FUCKVKFJDN

 

**ebitchu has left the chat**

 

 

 

**private chat: minniemongie, kyunniekyunkyu**

 

 

_kyunniekyunkyu sent an[image](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/b5/a9/2bb5a910e4a52a9d861b9f63bc63ba69.jpg)_

**kyunniekyunkyu** : lmao i got him

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : “i’M mAnLy”

 **minniemongie** : GASP

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : oh

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : srry hyung i meant to send this to jooheon

 **minniemongie** : WHERE DID U GET THIS HOW DO U KNO HIM

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : oh you haven’t heard?

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : that’s kihyun

 **minniemongie** : UR JOKING

 **minniemongie** : THATS RLLY KIHYUNNIE???

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : yes hyung

 **minniemongie** : MY PRETTY PINK BOY IS THAT LIL HAMSTER

 **minniemongie** : OHMYGOD

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : promise me u won’t tell him i sent this pic

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : he’ll kill me

 **minniemongie** : I CANT HEAR U IVER MY YODELING

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : hyung p l s

 **minniemongie** : IKAY I PROMISR

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : :)

  **minniemongie** : MY BIGGIEST UWU EVER 

 

 

**chat: LMFC**

**whatiam added ebitchu to the chat**

 

 

 **venti latte** : stop leaving

 **venti latte** : ur stealing my image of the dramatic bitch

 **shinoke** : no one can steal that from u babe

 **venti latte** : thank

 **ebitchu** : the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done is pretend to trip to avoid eye contact w ur professor n the hallway bc u owed him $10 don’t even try it bitch

 **shinoke** : K I H Y U N

 **gae** : im in love

 **venti latte** : l i s t e n

 **ursidae** : Can you believe Kihyun ended Hyungwon in one text?

 **honey** : SHOWNU HYUNG

 **venti latte** : hyuNG NOT U TOO

 **shinoke** : we love a king

 **venti latte** : :(

 **ebitchu** : can we change the chat name to king kihyun

 

 

**whatiam changed the chat name to kween ki**

 

 

 **ebitchu** : listen

 **gae** : I LOVE A KWEEN

 **gae** : i’d serve u gladly

 **ebitchu** : hyung

 **shinoke** : serve or “service”? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **gae** : yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **ebitchu** : IM LEAVING

 

 

 

**private chat: ursidae, honey**

 

 

 **ursidae** : We still on for our coffee date tomorrow?

 **honey** : yes!!!

 **ursidae** : Great! :)

 **ursidae** : You can tell me the story about your crush on me.

 **honey** : i should have kept my damn mouth shut

 **ursidae** : No!! It’s cute!!

 **honey** : me?? cute??

 **honey** : NAE GA?

 **ursidae** : Yes you.

 **ursidae** : Very much so ♡

 **honey** : stop it u ⁄(⁄ ⁄ ⁄ω⁄ ⁄ ⁄)⁄

 **ursidae** : Cutie pie.

 **ursidae** : I’ll pick you up from your building at 11 okay?

 **honey** : okay hyung!!! ♡♡

 

 

**chat: kween ki**

 

 

 **venti latte** : kihyun won’t stop making noises while trying to unclog the drain

 **ebitchu** : well if ur bitch ass didnt stuff peanut butter in it maybe i wouldn’t but i guess we’ll both suffer

 **venti latte** : fuck u

 **ebitchu** : fuck me ur self u coward

 **gae** : lemme stop u right there

 **gae** : what the fuck was that

 **venti latte** : wat?

 **shinoke** : FJJFJF SRRY FAM

 **shinoke** : FELL OFF THE BED FROM LAUGHJGN

 **venti latte** : don’t laugh it just encourages him

 **ebitchu** : fite me

 **venti latte** : u don’t want me to fist u

 **ebitchu** : u make oNE (1) MISTAKE

 **whatiam** : okay what was that noise

 **venti latte** : LMAODK BRB RUNNGIN

 **gae** : whats happening

 **honey** : i just saw ki chasing won w two forks and a bucket

 **gae** : IS KIHYUN OKAY?

 **ursidae** : Subtle.

 **shinoke** : is hyungwon died

 **honey** : there’s screaming

 **whatiam** : where’s the popcorn

 **ursidae** : I love the calm play by play Jooheon is doing.

 **honey** : thank hyung

 **honey** : it’s quiet

 **honey** : maybe hyungwon is died

 **honey** : wait no

 **ebitchu** : FUCKNUCKLE TOUCHED MY BRUISE

 **shinoke** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **gae** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **whatiam** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **ursidae** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **whatiam** : YES HYUNG

 **honey** : okay ki

 **honey** : go get ur plushie and show me where he touched u

 **ebitchu** : i

 **gae** : awwWWW U HAVE PLUSHIES

 **ebitchu** : jooheon ur next

 **honey** : wait

 

 

 

**chat: pure christian household**

 

 

 **ebitchu** : before i beat ur ass

 **ebitchu** : i was referring to the bruise on my forehead

 **yams** : from running into the tree?

 **ebitchu** : .

 **ebitchu** : yes

 **honey** : o

 **yams** : hyungwon hyung r u alright

 **venti latte** : he stabbed me w the forks n beat me w the bucket

 **venti latte** : worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sweAR THIS CHAPTER IS MY PRIDE AND JOY  
> pls love it


	11. The Story™️ part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> showheon have a date where they discuss things

Jooheon bit his thumbs to keep them from twiddling anxiously.

 

11:00 had been the agreed time for Jooheon to be dressed and standing outside of his dorm building ready for Shownu to pick him up. And he was ready. Some black skinny jeans decorated with rips in the fabric paired with a large black and white striped sweater, topped off with red converses. He felt cute about twenty minutes ago. But now?

 

The time is 11:19 and Jooheon still doesn’t know if it’s socially acceptable for him to panic. He couldn’t handle being stood up by his ultimate crush.

 

With his phone held tightly he watched another minute tick by. The combination of the large numbers informing Jooheon of how much time had passed their agreed time and the emptiness of his notification box mocked him. It was irrational but he started thinking maybe this was a cruel plot to turn him into a laughing stock.

 

What if letting it slip that he had a crush on Shownu was the mistake that ensured him being made fun of for as long as he lives? What if Shownu was really on his way but with a group of people who know of Jooheon and his pathetic crush? What if they were all coming just to laugh at him?

 

Among his crisis and overthinking, Jooheon just barely registered his phone vibrating.

 

 

_ursidae: Hey Honey I’m so sorry for being so late but my roommate needs an emergency ride. I’m on my way to you right now. Would it be alright it we drop off my friend before we go on our date?_

 

Jooheon breathed a sigh of relief.

 

_honey: no problem hyung i don’t mind!! ^^_

 

It wasn’t even five minutes later when Shownu was pulling up and darting out of the car. Jooheon briefly worried about whether or not Shownu even put the car in park but all thoughts soon left him when two very strong arms wrapped around him and _squeezed_.

 

“Jooheon, I’m so sorry. So so sorry. He told me he needed me to take him but he wasn’t ready to go and I had to wait until he was ready and-“

 

“Hy- hyung. Can’t breathe.”

 

Shownu immediately let go and stepped back, muttering apologies. Once Jooheon could breathe again he put both hands on Shownu’s shoulders and tried not to dwell on how sturdy they felt.

 

“It’s okay hyung I understand. I knew you wouldn’t just leave me here.” Jooheon said with a dimpled smile. He decided Shownu didn’t need to know about his 12-point plan to change his identity and move to Mexico.

 

Shownu smiled apologetically and opened his mouth to respond when another voice interrupted.

 

“For the love of god, at least warn me the next time you tuck and roll out the damn car.”

 

Shownu laughed as he turned to the slightly shorter figure walking up to them.

 

Jooheon nearly toppled over.

 

“Sorry Hoseok. Next time warn me when you want a ride to the gym so I can take you there long before I leave for a date.”

 

Hoseok grinned cheekily before turning to Jooheon who was trying really hard not to cry.

 

“Anyways, it’s so nice to properly meet you, Jooheon. Hyunwoo-ah never shuts up about you.” He chirps while delivering an elbow to the taller’s side teasingly.

 

Jooheon’s mouth opens and closes as he racks his brain for a response that isn’t _‘Hey! You’re the guy my friends and I would willing bend over for along with Shownu, and for some reason I didn’t consider I would be meeting you even though you’re his friend! Small world!’_

 

“Yes it is nice to meet you. Um, Hoseok hyung?”

 

Hoseok makes a face before snapping his fingers as something dawns on him.

 

“That’s right! I introduced myself as Wonho in the chat. But Hoseok is my real name.” Hoseok says with a blinding grin. Shownu hums in understandment as well.

 

“I guess now’s a better time than ever to tell you Shownu isn’t my real name either. I’m Hyunwoo.” The taller says with an equally bright smile.

 

Jooheon struggles once again, biting his tongue to keep himself from saying he already possesses such information.

 

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Hoseok hyung and Hyunwoo hyung.” He response trying his best to not sound constipated.

 

Hyunwoo beckons them to the car so they can go ahead and drop Hoseok off and be on their way. Jooheon trails behind the older two, hand itching to grab his phone and yell at Changkyun because the sadistic bastard _knew_. Jooheon knows he knew.

 

“Sorry for cockblocking your date by the way.” Hoseok smirked, reaching for the handle of the front passenger door. Hyunwoo gripped the back of Hoseok’s shirt and dragged him backwards and towards the back door.

 

“Maybe I’ll forgive you.” He said before letting go of Hoseok in favor of opening the front passenger door then gesturing for Jooheon to get in and suddenly Jooheon was having a very hard time walking straight.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“So you wanna tell me why you looked like you saw a ghost when Hoseok showed up?”

 

Hyunwoo and Jooheon sat in a small corner booth in the nearly empty café Hyunwoo had recommended they visit. They dropped Hoseok off at the gym after a car ride that consisted mostly of Hoseok asking Jooheon questions and Jooheon trying to answer them as normally and unaffected as possible and failing.

 

Jooheon nearly choked on his drink at Hyunwoo’s question.

 

“What do you mean, hyung?” He wheezed, moving the cup away from him and replacing its spot with the small chocolate muffin he ordered.

 

Hyunwoo raised a brow, an amused grin spreading across his face.

 

“You know what I mean. When Hoseok came you looked absolutely terrified. I know he’s big but he’s really a softie.”

 

Jooheon squirmed in his seat.

 

“He just startled me, that’s all.” He said, waving his hand dismissively. Hyunwoo caught Jooheon’s hand in his.

 

“I don’t think that’s all.” Hyunwoo spoke softly, his thumb caressing the back of Jooheon’s hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to but I do want you to get along with my friends, Honey.”

 

A light red painted Jooheon’s cheeks. If seeing Hyunwoo call him Honey through text made him a mess, Hyunwoo calling his that to his face nearly killed him.

 

“It’s just.. a long story.”

 

“We have all the time you need.”

 

Jooheon sighed, looking up from his muffin to Hyunwoo’s face. The face that could make Jooheon want to smash his head against to wall because he couldn’t process how it was physically possible to be that good looking while also make him want to cup it and tell him how much he adores him.

 

Oh how close they have grown through just weeks of texting.

 

“I’m not sure how you’ll look at me after I tell you.”

 

Hyunwoo brought Jooheon’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.

 

“Try me.”

 

Jooheon sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“Also. The only way to accurately and thoroughly tell the story I would have to expose myself.”

 

Hyunwoo grinned at that.

 

“Pray tell.”

 

Jooheon stuck out his tongue before pulling his hand out of Hyunwoo’s in favor of lacing his his own hands together in front of him.

 

“Our story begins over a year ago.”

 

“You’ve had a crush on me for that long?”

 

“Please hold all questions until the end of the story. Anyways, Kihyun and I had been friends since high school and I knew Hyungwon for a while from different classes. We all became roommates and became inseparable, you can imagine.”

 

Hyunwoo nodded in agreement.

 

“Then one day Kihyun runs in and tells us about the most attractive guy to ever walk the planet earth. He had been leaving the library when he saw the guy trying to communicate with some crows.”

 

“They will answer you back.”

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing. Continue.”

 

“Anyways. He dragged us out to see and Hyungwon and I agreed he was attractive. But then out from nowhere came a second guy. Built like Hercules I mean honestly it wasn’t fair how good this guy looked. He came and at first was going to drag he first guy away when the crow actually squawked again. Then the two of them started yelling at the crow.”

 

“Wait, this sounds familiar?”

 

Jooheon let a shy smile settle on his face as he watched Hyunwoo work it out.

 

“Oh my god that was me and Minhyuk.”

 

Jooheon nodded and chuckled softly as Hyunwoo ran a hand down his face.

 

“Oh dear lord that was your first impression of me?”

 

“You did hear me compare you to Hercules, right?”

 

Hyunwoo snorted from behind his hands before lowering them to look at Jooheon.

 

“Why yes I did, and now I feel better.”

 

“Fantastic, but it doesn’t end there.”

 

Hyunwoo clasped his hands together and rested his chin on them.

 

“Continue.”

 

“Well the next day we all went out for lunch together when Hyungwon started having a seizure. We didn’t know what was wrong until he pointed across the room to where this guy had walked in. Then he started sprouting some Shakespearean shit about how he held the stars in his smile and the galaxy in his eyes.”

 

“That’s quite the compliment.” Hyunwoo commented with raised eyebrows.

 

“It also didn’t make sense. The bitch knows he can’t see past two inches without his glasses or contacts and he had neither so I don’t know why he was lying. He just saw a really broad outline and thought it was sexy.”

 

Hyunwoo snickered.

 

“So would I be correct in guessing that the guy was Hoseok?”

 

Jooheon nodded, reaching across the table to pat Hyunwoo’s bicep and maybe feel it a little.

 

“You’re catching on.” He praised. “And then later you and Minhyuk came in and you all sat together and us three had to not scream.”

 

At Jooheon’s silence, Hyunwoo leaned back into his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Well I did not realize there really was a story.”

 

“There’s more that happened that day but irrelevant. Anyways, Changkyun is the cause of all this.”

 

Hyunwoo raised a eyebrow.

 

“All this?” He repeated. Jooheon gestured to themselves.

 

“Us. When he added me to the chat he knew I liked you. In fact it was when I found out what your name is that he learned I liked you”

 

“If you didn’t know my name how did you decipher me from Minhyuk and Hoseok?”

 

Jooheon paused for a moment before pushing his plate of muffin towards Hyunwoo.

 

“Hyung have you tried the muffin? I thought the muffin was delicious.”

 

Hyunwoo shook his head, pushing the plate out of the way to lean forward again.

 

“Honey.”

 

“Alright alright. The three of us played rock paper scissors to decide who to call who what. I won and got to call you Hot Guy 1. Hyungwon had Hot Guy 2 and Kihyun had Hot Guy 3. We were very creative with the names.”

 

Hyunwoo smirked.

 

“Hot guy?”

 

“Listen.”

 

Hyunwoo slipped out of his chair and before Jooheon could ask what the older was doing, the seat adjacent to him became occupied by tall dark and muscular.

 

Draping an arm across the back of Jooheon’s chair, Hyunwoo leaned down to the younger, smirk still plastered on his face.

 

“Joohoney with his cute crush on me, calling me hot.”

 

“How about we not make me go into cardiac arrest, huh hyung?” Hyunwoo chuckled, lightly bumping his head against the side of Jooheon’s before leaning away to let the boy breathe.

 

“Well that was quite the story. Plus the three of you got put into the same chat as your three crushes? Should we expect more developments?”

 

“Yea- wait what do you mean three crushes?”

 

Hyunwoo furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“Me, Hoseok, and Minhyuk? You did realize that Hyuk hyung is Minhyuk? Please tell me you realized that.”

 

“Holy shit hyung! Hyuk hyung is Minhyuk hyung!”

 

Hyunwoo sighed but couldn’t help the fond smile that graced his lips.

 

“You know you’re really cute.”

 

“What did I say about cardiac arrest? But that’s not the point.” Jooheon rubbed his hands together with an evil smile. “Wait until I tell Kihyun and Hyungwon hyung who they’ve been talking to.”

 

Hyunwoo snorted at the adorable energy radiating off of the smaller before an idea hit him.

 

“What if you don’t.”

 

It was Jooheon’s turn to quirk up an eyebrow in curiosity.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I wanna see how this pans out. From what you’ve told me, they would have very explosive reactions to the real identities of my friends. Let them talk and develop their own opinions about each other, maybe nudge each other here and there and then maybe one day get everyone together in person and just watch.”

 

Jooheon hummed in thought before turning to Hyunwoo with a wide grin, dimples popped.

 

“On one condition.”

 

“Anything, Honey.”

 

“Don’t tell Changkyun anything.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**private chat: rambo, ANGER**

**ANGER changed their name to soft**

 

 

 

 

 **soft** : i take back everything

 **soft** : thank u for adding me to the chat

 **rambo** : lol where’s this coming from

 **soft** : had a date w hyung ♡

 **rambo** : :O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no more clueless panicked gay jooheon  
> he will be missed lmao
> 
> aye ya author finally got a Twitter acc  
> go yell @ me: momkiho


	12. roasting session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SHORTER THAN KIHYUN AND IM SORRY
> 
> also quick recap of names  
> ursidae: shownu  
> shinoke: wonho  
> gae: minhyuk  
> ebitchu: kihyun  
> venti latte: hyungwon  
> honey: jooheon  
> whatiam: changkyun

**chat: kween ki**

 

 

 

 **venti latte** : someone come get ki

 **gae** : y what happened

 **venti latte** : a TA came over nd told ki to get off the statue of the school mascot

 **venti latte** : he was like that’s not professional or classy mr. yoo

 **venti latte** : nd ki would u tell the class what your response was

 **ebitchu** : listen

 **shinoke** : ki

 **ebitchu** : .

 **ebitchu** : “bold words for someone standing in lava”

 **gae** : CKCKCKC U WERE PLAYING THE FLOOR IS LAVA??

 **whatiam** : without me

 **ebitchu** : u weren’t even there calm down

 **venti latte** : i’ve never seen ki climb something so fast

 **gae** : u think he’d climb me like that?

 **ebitchu** : no that’s gay

 **venti latte** : op literally went into a gay panic over a disney prince last night but go off i guess

 **ebitchu** : googles how to abort a twenty year old man

 **venti latte** : first of all

 

 

 

 **private chat: minniemongie, kyunniekyunkyu**

 

 

 

 **minniemongie** : changkyun my love

 **minniemongie** : my sweet child

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : hyung

 **minniemongie** : send me another picture

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : is that all i’m good for to u

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : is that all u see me as

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : u don’t love me

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : u love the idea of me

 **kyunniekyunkyu** : i’m hurt and scarred

 **minniemongie** : i’ll get u that cute guy’s number from my art class

_kyunniekyunkyu sent an[image](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/29/dd/77/29dd77991c32c8143fcacb0be2d049b7.jpg)_

**minniemongie** : oH fUkC sRRy

 **minniemongie** : mY UWUs kEEp fALLinG

 

 

 

**chat: kween ki**

 

 

 **ebitchu** : has anyone seen my son

 **ebitchu** : no eyes, dimples deeper than the grand canyon,

 **venti latte** : wasn’t he going out w shownu hyung

 **whatiam** : yea

 **ebitchu** : ????he didn’t???? inform me????

 **venti latte** : yes he did

 **venti latte** : n our chat he texted us saying he was going out that morning

 **venti latte** : then u yelled at his “rusted over bitchass” for waking u up

 **venti latte** : nd u threatened to gut him if he did it again

 **gae** : ki why are u so angry

 **whatiam** : he’s so smol nd can’t contain it

 **ebitchu** : i will beat u with a bag of nails if u don’t fuck up shut

 **venti latte** : he thinks he’s so threatening

 **ebitchu** : hyungwon i will shred ur gucci handbag

 **gae** : careful around sharp edges or your strawberry filling will come out

 **ebitchu** : sHUT UP

 **shinoke** : what’d i miss

 **whatiam** : roasting kihyun session

 **shinoke** : o damn i’m here for this

 **ebitchu** : all of you can fucking fight me

 **shinoke** : i feel like i’m being threatened by a cupcake

 **ebitchu** : how

 **ebitchu** : how dare you

 **gae** : aW THE BABY STUTTERED

 **ebitchu** : NO I HIT SEND TOO EARLY FUCK

 **whatiam** : h-how dare you

 **venti latte** : i-i’m threatening

 **ebitchu** : HYUNGWON

 **gae** : uwu ki ur so soft

 **ebitchu** : AM NOT

 **venti latte** : do i need to get out the receipts?

 **shinoke** : owo pls do wonnie

 **ebitchu** : do it i dare you

 **whatiam** : i d-dare you

 **ebitchu** : FIGJT ME

 **venti latte** : remember that time u dressed up like a girl to go on a date w the guy lisa didn’t want to be with

 **shinoke** : he did what

 **gae** : SHOW ME PICTURES

 **ebitchu** : DO NOT

_venti latte sent an[image](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DISI--jW0AEUD3I?format=jpg&name=large)_

 

 

 

**chat: HELP**

 

 

 **gae** : HELP ME

 **gae** : IM TOO GAY FOR THIS

 **ursidae** : Can you take this elsewhere? Honey and I are still on a date.

 **gae** : BUT HYUNG

_gae sent a screenshot_

**ursidae** : Oh.

 **ursidae** : Is that Kihyun?

 **gae** : YES

 **ursidae** : In a skirt?

 **gae** : Y E S

 **shinoke** : he looks rlly hot

 **gae** : BAKC OFF HES MINE

 **ursidae** : I showed Honey.

 **ursidae** : He’s asking if Hyungwon sent the photo.

 **gae** : YES HE DID

 **gae** : I MUST SEND HIM AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT

 **ursidae** : Honey is now asking if Hyungwon is still alive.

 **shinoke** : dumbass over there is cooing at his phone so i will go check

 

 

 

**chat: kween ki**

 

 

 

 **shinoke** : hyungwon r u alive

 **venti latte** : HES GOT A FUKNVIV FRYUNG PAN

 **venti latte** : SNED HELOP

 **venti latte** : JCJCOMDSP

 **whatiam** : jfjfjfjfjf imma go over there to record the fight

 **gae** : MY UWU

 **shinoke** : alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JFJFJFJFJ ITS BEEN A WHILE AM SORRY FAM  
> also srry for the short chapter but i hope the soon following chapter will make up for it because spoilers: things will escalate  
> ψ(｀∇´)ψ


	13. finding ki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i want to apologize for the ungodly long wait, all of your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!! thank you so much to everyone still putting faith into this hot mess also i’m very Sorry this isn’t a funny chapter, more development

chat: pure christian household

 

 

 

ebitchu: send help

 

 

 

venti latte: lmao was sleeping wut

honey: u aight ki

honey: ki

honey: kihyunnie

honey: ,,,

honey: hyung

venti latte: omg he dropped the h word

honey: jfnck shut uP

honey: what was he doing today

venti latte: wasn’t he doin a study grp

honey: nd he’s not back yet???????

 

 

 

chat: kween ki

 

 

 

shinoke changed their name to hoesucc

gae: shame? who’s she?

honey: hey hyungs

gae: JOOHONEY HOW ARE YOU

hoesucc: listen hyunwoo came up w the name

honey: have any of you heard from kihyunnie

gae: unfortunately no :((((

ursidae: Is something wrong?

honey: i don’t know,,,,

venti latte: ki went to a study group nd hasn’t come back

gae: it’s almost eleven at night !

ursidae: How long has he been gone?

venti latte: a lil over five hours

gae: did he say if he was going somewhere else??????

honey: no he just said he was going to study

honey: it’s not like him to be out this late tho

hoesucc: have you tried calling him?

honey: it keeps going to voicemail

ursidae: Do you know who he went with?

gae: where did he go?

honey: i don’t know and the café across campus

honey: hng hang on hyungwon is having a meltdown

venti latte: shut up i’m Worried

hoesucc: are you okay hyungwon

venti latte: Kihyun is missing

venti latte: fuck i should’ve paid more attention

gae: we’ll find him hyungwon~

gae: I can run down to the café real quick.

ursidae: Don’t they close at eleven?

gae: they do but the staff are still there to clean up

 

 

 

private chat: hoesucc, venti latte

 

 

hoesucc: hyungwon it’s okay

venti latte: no it isn’t

venti latte: he sent a text asking for help and i didn’t respond

hoesucc: were you busy?

venti latte: No fuck i

venti latte: i was just ignoring him bc

venti latte: i mean it’s what we do???

venti latte: like

venti latte: teasing each other?

venti latte: shit fuck why’d i Do That

hoesucc: hey hey it’s okay

hoesucc: you didn’t know it wasn’t a Bit

venti latte: hyung it’s not okay ki is out there with a dead phone and probably unsavory characters

venti latte: i know i tease him the most out of anyone but

venti latte: i don’t want anything to happen to him

hoesucc: hyungwon no one thinks you want ki to get hurt

venti latte: fuck i can’t breathe

hoesucc: shit

hoesucc: is it okay if I call you

venti latte: yea,,,

hoesucc: okay hang on, remember deep breaths

 

 

 

chat: kween ki

 

 

gae: the café is completely empty save the staff

gae: i’m going in to ask them about ki

 

 

 

private chat: honey, ursidae

 

 

 

ursidae: Are you okay, love?

honey: yes

honey: i’m better than hyungwon

ursidae: Hoseok is calling Hyungwon.

honey: i know

honey: tell him thank you

ursidae: I will, honey.

ursidae: Do you think the police should be called?

honey: nah

honey: kihyun is small but very strong and smart

honey: i’m not Too Worried

ursidae: Well I’m glad to hear that. :)

ursidae: I guess Changkyun didn’t know anything.

honey: djkdkfj i didn’t even think to ask him!!!

 

 

 

private chat: soft, rambo

 

 

soft: KYUN

soft: ARE YOU AWAKE??

rambo: .

rambo: no

soft: KI IS MISSING

rambo: wym he’s missing

rambo: wasn’t he going out w

rambo: u kno

soft: I DON’T?????

rambo: the,,, guy

rambo: fuknc i just woke up i can’t thjnk

rambo: JINYOUNG

soft: KDJDKFN THANK YOU

rambo: i mean ur welcome ig

 

 

 

chat: kween ki

 

 

honey: kihyun is with jinyoung!!

ursidae: You woke up Changkyun?

honey: fuck yes i did

gae: i asked the staff about him and they said they remember a short pink haired boy

gae: jinyoung? as in park jinyoung?

honey: YES i remember now

honey: ki did say smth abt going w him nd a group to study

gae: one person told me he overheard the group was going to the club across town

ursidae: Did Kihyun go with them?

gae: apparently he was dragged along

honey: does the person who dragged him still have arms?

whatiam: 56 notifications

ursidae: Wake up we have a missing boy.

whatiam: i’m,, Aware

whatiam: he was going w jinyoung youngjae and doyoung

whatiam: doyoung’s bf got a job bartending at the club

whatiam: thats prolly why they’re there

gae: i’m headed there right now

whatiam: hyuk hyun g isn’t using excessive punctuation or cute faces

whatiam: it’s Serious

ursidae: Don’t text and drive, Minhyuk.

ursidae: Doyoung is dating Jaehyun, right?

honey: kyun why do u kno all this

whatiam: yea

whatiam: i knwo things

ursidae: I have his number, I’ll call him to check on Kihyun.

honey: thank you hyung ;;

ursidae: No problem, love.

 

 

 

chat: pure christian household

 

 

venti latte: did we figure out where ki is

honey: sources say he’s at a club

venti latte: that’s a First

yams: hyungwon hyung

yams: where have u been

venti latte: keeping my anxiety at bay

venti latte: w lots of help

 

 

chat: kween ki

 

 

ursidae: Jaehyun said he hadn’t seen anyone with pink hair.

honey: oh my god

hoesucc: maybe they haven’t arrived at the club yet????

honey: Unlikely!

ursidae: Honey, it’s okay.

honey: Unlikely!!!

gae: i pulled up and saw kihyun sitting outside

venti latte: is he okay????

honey: i need to go lay down

gae: he looks fine i’m going to pick him up hang on

 

 

private chat: honey, ursidae

 

 

ursidae: Everything’s okay, love.

honey: cjfnkf i kno i just

honey: am shaken

ursidae: Is there anything I can do for you, sweetheart?

honey: can,,,,

honey: can i call you?

honey: i need someone to talk me down

ursidae: Of course, honey.

honey: thank hyung

 

 

 

chat: kween ki

 

 

gae: kihyun said a total of two words before collapsing in my arms and crying

gae: he’s now curled up peacefully in the passenger seat asleep

 

 

chat: HELP

 

 

gae: if you don’t mind, hyunwoo and hoseok, i’m bringing him to our dorm

gae: he can stay the night with me

gae: we’ll be home in about twenty minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hdnckfm thank you so much everyone reading this. everything has been a hot mess for me recently and i couldn’t find time or energy or motivation to write I just,,, No  
> but I’ll try my hardest never to go that long without an update again!!!

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIRST FIC  
> hopefully it isn’t too awful ^^;


End file.
